To the True Discouerer of secrets Mounsieur Bacchus

Bottle-nos'd Bacchus with thy bladder face,
To thee my Muse comes reeling for a place:
And craues thy Patronage; nor do I feare,
But my poore fragments shall be made of there,
For good reuersions by thy scrambling crew,
That belch, and reade, and at each enteruiew
Of a sharpe temper'd line, commend the vaine,
Digest it, and then rift it vp againe;
But know thou cup shot god, what is exprest,
Within these Pages doe deserue the best
Of thy light-headed Shamroes, nor's my tutch
For such as loue to take a cup too-much.
No, no my lines (though I did seeme to stand,
And begge a poore protection at thy hand,)
Shall liue in spite of Time, for Time shall see
The curtaine of her vices drawne by me;
And though portraide by a lesse art-full fist,
Yet he that limm'd them is a Satyrist,
For th'lines he writes (if ought he write at all)
Are drawne by inke that's mixed most with gall.
Yea, he was borne, euen from his infancie,
To tell the world her shame, and bitterly
To taxe those crimes which harbour now and then
Within the bosomes of the greatest men.
" Yea, nought I doe but I againe will doe it,
" Nor ought will write, but I will answer to it:
Yet would I not, great Bacchus, haue thee thinke
My Muse can into that obliuion sinke,
As to become forgetfull so of thee,
(For so she might vnthankfull seeme to be)
As neuer to record thy worthy Name
Since I confesse from thee that spirit came,
Which first inspir'd my Muse (by thee exprest)
For when she spoke the least, she wrot the best.
Yea, thou it was, (and so Ile euer hold,)
That quickned me and made me speake more bold;
By that rare quintessence drawne from the pine,
Or from those fluent Hogges-head pipes of thine.
And I doe thanke thee: yet thus much Ile say,
For any kindnesse showne me anie waie,
By thee, or thy attendants, I may sweare
Not any one did euer yet appeare:
Nay, I could say (and truly too) far more
I neuer ran ten shillings on thy skore,
Which may seem strange, that I which am so grown
Into acquaintance, and to thee well knowne:
"Should in thy booke haue such a diffidence,
As not be chalkt for want of ready pence;
Nay, there's an other reason I could shew,
Which might infer that thou dost duty owe
To men of our profession, and its this;
(If my conceipt make me not thinke amisse.)
Tell me, Where hadst thou Iuie-bush, say where?
Which as thine ancient liv'rie thou dost weare;
That garland-sure me-thinks that I should know it,
From th'Temples sure of some pot-hardy Poet;
Who, cause he had not wherewithall to pay,
Was forc't to leaue his Garland, or to stay
Till some of's Patrons pittied his estate:
But he, poore man, cleere out of hope of that
Hauing discust it often in his minde,
Did think't more fit to leaue his wreath behinde,
Then into such apparant danger fall,
And so did vnto one of th'Drawers call
To tell thee, if thou would'st be so content,
He would engage his Iuie-ornament;
Which thou being glad of, for thy priuate vse
Wore it thy selfe and cheat'd the Poet thus.
Now doest thou thinke, that we can brooke to haue
One of our sort thus iniur'd by a slaue,
Without all satisfaction: Bacchus no,
thy romes, we'le not be baffelt so.
of thy bush againe,
thy wreath about the Poets braine.
Or satisfie his damage in some sort,
"Or be thou sure that thou shalt answer for't.
But thou wilt lightly weigh such threats as these,
And say thou canst bring vs vpon our knees
By th'power of thy commaund: true thou canst so,
Yet (bleere ey'de Bacchus) I would haue thee know
That we do so esteeme thy power and all
Thy followers, we'le vent thee' gainst the wall:
Yea euen the kennell shall a witnesse be,
Of the small respect which we do beare to thee.
Resigne then what thou owest, or forbeare,
To taxe our credits when our skore's not cleere.
For well may'st thou forbeare both them and me,
Since thou dost owe vs more, then we owe thee.
Thou know'st it Bacchus (if so thou wilt knowe it)
That garland which thou weares, it was a Poet
That first empaund it, and thou like a Iewe
Wilt not restore to him what is his due.
But thou wilt answer (as I know thou may)
Yea, I imagine what tis thou canst say:
" Bacchus cares not for outward signes a rush,
" Good wine needs not the hanging of a bush.
Dost not thou vizzard-fac't ingratefull Elfe?
Yes, for want of a bush thou'd hang thy selfe.
And aper like a zuinglian (ô my malice
Bursts out against thee) titted vnder the gallowes.
For tell me how should men distinguish thee?
Thou'lt say by thy fire-sparkling phisnomie,
Those wink-a pipes of thine, those ferret eies,
Those bag-pipe cheeks, those speciall qualities
Thou art endew'd with true by th'first th'art known,
But for thy qualities thou hast not one
To glory in: for speeches ornament
Anon, anon sit: — peut or complement
Is all thou canst, and this, thou knowest is such,
As th'Iay or Parrat they can doe as much;
But I am loath to taxe each crime of thine,
For I do know thou lou'st the Muses nine,
And they loue thee, yet it is fit their vs'd
With more respect, then to be once abus'd
By any apron-prentice that thou hast:
Yea, fit it is not they should be out-fac't
By such vnletterd Animals as these,
But reuerence the Muses on their knees,
For what be these attend thee, such as lost
Their tongue to gaine two or three words at most,
As for example neate and briske, and then
Anon, anon sir, welcome gentlemen.
And is it fit that swads of such desert
Should stay the very quintessence of art
For a non-payment? or make Sergeants stand
In a crosse-lane to laie vnhallowed hand
On Albions Mercuries? no, its not fit
That Hypocrenes pure riuelings of wit,
Should haue their streame with honour doubled)
By such base tenter-hooks once troubled.
Let this be then amended (and with haste)
Lest some of these professors should be plac't,
Before thy prohibition come to stay
Thy will-for in, they'le hardlie get awaie.
But if I heare thee Bacchus after this
That thou arrests but any one I wish
Thou should'st exempt I will reuenged be
Ere many daies, of some of thine or thee.
And thanks vnto my Genius (as I craue it)
Without inuention further now I haue it.
And thus it is: Ile to the Peuterer
To make thy quart pots greater then they were;
And so condition with him, as't may be
Thou wilt confesse one day I begar'd thee:
Or if I cannot by my meanes intreate
Thy pottle-pots for to be made more great
Then th'order is, or th'Citties stampe allowes,
I hope I shall preuaile wih some of those
Who are appointed by their charge to know,
Whether thy pots be sealed yea or no,
That such as are not seal'd they would reueale them,
And not take bribes in priuate to conceale them:
Or if this will not serue, I will deuise
How to bring th'potts vnto a larger size;
Which if they do neglect but to performe,
According to that Nature and that forme
They are prescrib'd, then on default they shall
Make presently a forfeiture of all,
(Which goods confiscate for their great abuse,
May afterward redound vnto the vse
Of all such noble skinkers (by confession)
As were deceiv'd by men of this profession;
But this's not all Ile doe: Bacchus shall knowe
His naprie-drawers shall not end it so.
Surueighers shall be-gett (and well may be)
(For worser trades haue sought monopolye;
And rais'd their state by't) which shall strictly take
Examination, whether you do make
Your pottles to be bruis'd, bough'd, crusht, & bent
Vpon set purpose and for this intent,
That you thereby (which is a common crime)
Might fill your crazie pots with lesser wine,
For lesser will they hold, through your deceit,
Being drawne in and made by you more straite:
Yet haue I left the Coopers all this while,
Which I do know haue some art to beguile.
And therefore, if all will not serue; Ile seeke
And bribe them too, to make your vessels leeke.
Yea, beside this (know Bacchus) I'ue a meane,
Which put in practice will vndoe thee cleane,
And thus I lay my proiect: Ile expresse
What motiues there be of licentiousnesse.
Within thy brothel closures, and with-all
Complaine of thy partitions, how the fall
Of many a simple Virgine (though shee's loath,
To do't poore-wench) coms from a painted cloath
A curtaine, or some hanging of like sort,
Which done god-wot, they'ue cause to curse thee for't.
And that this might better preuented be,
I will prefer petition instantly,
That thou nor none of thine should suffer thence,
(for to auoide this inconuenience)
Any of different sexes being but payres,
To goe in priuate manner vp the staires:
And this I know (if that my aime be right,
Will goe well nie to ouerthrow thee quite.
If none of these will doe, yet sure I am
There is a creature call'd the Puritan,
Who'le ferret thee, and by a strict surueigh
Fine thee for bouzing on the Sabboath day,
Which if they finde, the Righteous they will curse
Though their example it be ten times worse.
But I would haue thee to represse all this,
Which thou shalt do by doing what I wish,
And that with reason, which (as I haue sayd it)
Is but to giue to our profession credit:
They'le pay the man, and if the world goe hard,
With them at this time, yet they 'le afterward,
Regratulate thy loue (paying th'old skoe)
Which paide they will make bolde to run on more.
For tell me Bacchus, though the world appeare
To learned men as if no learning were:
And that the golden age (not as it was)
Smiles on the silken foole, or golden Asse;
Yet time will come (yea now it doth begin
To shew it selfe (as former times haue been)
When wise Minerua shall no honour lacke.
For all the foole, whose honour's on his backe.
But I shall stagger Bacchus if I stay
Longer with thee, therefore Ile packe awaie
Vnto thy sister Ceres: —I haue sayd
— Onely looke to thy plate, for al is paide.