Why, Liquor of Life!

Why, Liquor of Life ! do I love you so,
When in all our encounters you lay me low ?
More stupid and senseless I every day grow ;
What a hint ! — If I'd mend by the warning !
Tattered and torn have you left my coat,
I've not a cravat — to save my throat,
Yet I'll pardon you all, my sparkling doat,
If you'll cheer me again in the morning !

Whisky replies.
When you've heard prayers on Sunday next,
With a sermon beside, or at least — the text,
Come down to the alehouse — however you're vexed,
And though thousands of cares assault you :
You'll find tippling there — till morals mend,
A cock shall be placed in the barrel's end,
The jar shall be near you, and I'll be your friend,
And give you a Chad mille fdilte.

The Bard resumes.
You're my soul, and my treasure, without and within,
My sister and cousin, and all my kin ;
'Tis unlucky to wed such a prodigal sin —
But all other enjoyment is vain love !
My barley-ricks all turn to you, —
My tillage — my plough — and my horses too, —
My cows and my sheep they have bid me adieu ;
I care not while you remain, love !

Come, vein of my heart ! then come in haste ;
You're like Ambrosia, my liquor and feast,
My forefathers all had the very same taste
For the genuine dew of the mountain.
O Usquebaugh ! — I love its kiss ! —
My guardian spirit I think it is ;
Had my christening bowl been filled with this,
I'd have swallowed it, were it a fountain !

Many's the quarrel and fight we have had,
And many a time you have made me mad,
But while I've a heart it can never be sad
When you smile at me full from the table
Surely you are my wife and my brother—
My only child — my father and mother —
My outside coat — I have no other !

O I'll stand by you — while I am able !
If family pride can aught avail,
I've the sprightliest kin of all the Gael —
Brandy and Usquebaugh and Ale —
But Claret untasted may pass us.
To clash with the clergy were sore amiss,
So for righteousness' sake I leave them this,
For claret the gownsmen's comfort is,
When they've saved us with matins and masses !