Pitman's Dream; or, a Description of the Kitchen

The day was fine, the sun did shine,
Aw thowt aw was preparing
To leave the Powl, myed me repine--
Aw scarce could keep fra blairin';--
A greet balloon was brought me seun,
Twe cheps wi' wings sae switchin',
Wiv it were sent to tyek me doon
To shew me a' the kitchen.
Right fal de ral, &c.

Wiv a' my friends aw had a jill,
King Geordy was quite canty--
Says he--Now eat and drink yor fill,
Doon stairs good things are scanty.
When deun, says aw--Kind folks, fareweel'
Maw Guides their wings are stretchin'--
In the balloon aw off did reel
To see this querish kitchen.
Right fal de ral, &c.

We doon a narrow place did rowl--
As sure as maw nyem's Cranky.
This is the passage in the Powl
That's mention'd by the Yankee:
As we flew on it darker grew,
Wi' such a noise and screechin'--
Greet clouds o' fire we darted through,
And landed in the kitchen.
Right fal de ral, &c.

They use poor folks here warse than beasts--
Greet lots o' Turks and Tartars,
Wi' lawyers, quakers, kings, and priests,
Were phizzin' in a' quarters.
The Jews were bowlting lumps o' pork--
Mahomet, that au'd vixen,
Was toss'd about frae fork to fork,
Wi' Derry in the kitchen.
Right fal de ral, &c.

Fast i' the stocks au'd Neddy sat,
The late Newcassel bellman--
And there was Honour Breet, Bed Watt,
Just gaun the rig hersel', man:
Then farther in, upon a stuel,
Sat Judy Downey stitchin',
She d--n'd me for a greet stark cull,
For comin' to the kitchen.
Right fal de ral, &c.

Aw, wi' the heat and want o' drink,
Was swelter'd myest to deed, man--
When fairly deun and gaun to sink,
Aw was whupt off wi' speed, man.
How aw escap'd aw's puzzled sair,
'Twas like a sudden twitchin'
Aw, like a lairk, flew through the air,
Half roasted, frae the kitchen.
Right fal de ral, &c.

As aw cam doon aw pass'd the meun,
An' her greet burning mountains--
Her turnpike roads aw fand out seun,
Strang beer runs here in fountains:
To hev a sup aw was reet fain,
Wi' some queer cheps thrang ditchin'--
But waken'd then in Percy Main,
A lang way frae the kitchen.
Right fal de ral, &c.