Newgate's Garland

Ye gallants of Newgate, whose fingers are nice,
In diving in pockets, or cogging of dice,
Ye sharpers so rich, who can buy off the noose,
Ye honester poor rogues, who die in your shoes,
Attend and draw near,
Good news you shall hear,
How Jonathan's throat was cut from ear to ear;
How Blueskin's sharp penknife hath set you at ease,
And every man round me may rob if he please.

When to the Old Bailey this Blueskin was led,
He held up his hand, his indictment was read,
Loud rattled his chains, near him Jonathan stood,
For full forty pounds was the price of his blood.
Then hopeless of life,
He drew his penknife,
And made a sad widow of Jonathan's wife.
But forty pounds paid her, her grief shall appease,
And every man round me may rob if he please.

Some say they are courtiers of highest renown,
Who steal the king's gold, and leave him but a crown;
Some say there are peers, and parliament-men,
Who meet once a year to rob courtiers again;
Let them all take their swing,
To pillage the king,
And get a blue ribbon instead of a string.
Now Blueskin's sharp penknife hath set you at ease,
And every man round me may rob if he please.

Knaves of old, to hide guilt by their cunning inventions,
Call'd briberies grants, and plain robberies pensions;
Physicians and lawyers (who take their degrees
To be learned rogues) call'd their pilfering fees;
Since this happy day,
Now ev'ry man may
Rob (as safe as in office) upon the highway.
For Blueskin's sharp penknife hath set you at ease,
And every man round me may rob if he please.

Some cheat in the customs, some rob the excise,
But he who robs both is esteemed most wise.
Church-wardens, too prudent to hazard the halter,
As yet only venture to steal from the altar:
But now to get gold,
They may be more bold,
And rob on the highway, since Jonathan's cold.
For Blueskin's sharp penknife hath set you at ease,
And every man round me may rob if he please.

Some by public revenues which pass'd through their hands
Have purchased clean houses and bought dirty lands;
Some to steal from a charity think it no sin,
Which at home (says the proverb) does always begin.
But if ever you be
Assign'd a trustee
Treat not orphans like Masters of the Chancery.
But take the highway and more honestly seize,
For every man round me may rob if he please.

What a pother has here been with Wood and his brass
Who would modestly make a few halfpennies pass.
The patent is good, and the precedent's old.
For Diomede changed his copper for gold.
But if Ireland despise
Thy new halfpennies,
With more safety to rob on the road I advise;
For Blueskin's sharp penknife hath set thee at ease,
And every man round me may rob if he please.