The New Year's Resolve

Says Dick, "ther's a' notion sprung up i' mi yed,
For th' furst time i' th' whole coorse o' mi life,
An' aw've takken a fancy aw'st like to be wed,
If aw knew who to get for a wife.

Aw dooant want a woman wi' beauty, nor brass,
For aw've nawther to booast on misel;
What aw want is a warm-hearted, hard-workin' lass,
An' ther's lots to be fun, aw've heeard tell.

To be single is all weel enuf nah an' then,
But it's awk'ard when th' weshin' day comes;
For aw nivver think sooapsuds agree weel wi' men;
They turn all mi ten fingers to thumbs.

An' awm sure it's a fact, long afoor aw get done,
Aw'm slopt throo mi waist to mi fit;
An' th' floor's in' a pond, as if th' peggy-tub run,
An' mi back warks as if it 'ud split.

Aw fancied aw'st manage at breead-bakin' best;
Soa one day aw bethowt me to try,
But aw gate soa flustered, aw ne'er thowt o'th' yeast,
Soa aw mud as weel offered to fly.

Aw did mak a dumplin', but a'a! dear a me!
Abaght that lot aw hardly dar think;
Aw ne'er fan th' mistak' till aw missed th' sooap, yo see,
An' saw th' suet i'th' sooap-box o'th' sink.

But a new-year's just startin', an' soa aw declare
Aw'll be wed if a wife's to be had;
For mi clooas is soa ragg'd woll aw'm ommost hauf bare,
An' thease mullucks, they're drivin' me mad.

Soa, if yo should know, or should chonce to hear tell,
Ov a lass 'at to wed is inclined,
Talegraft me at once, an' aw'll see her misel
Afoor shoo can alter her mind."