The Devil Among the Ladies

I

The Devil seeking some new way
To kill eternity, one day
(So bored he was, in Hades)
Flew to Manhattan Isle to start
A Summer School to teach the art
Of Smuggling to Ladies.

II

He opened in an uptown street
A Modiste’s shop refined and neat
(The number doesn’t matter),
Displaying in his window all
The Modes—Spring, Summer, Winter, Fall
(Especially the latter).

III

The Ladies came in eager flocks,
And as he showed his Paris frocks,
With dext’rous verbal juggling,
He lightly led the talk from Modes
To Customs—and the law that goads
An honest girl to smuggling.

IV

“If Uncle Sam for Revenue,
Dear Ladies, picks your pockets, you
The compliment should bandy.
Pray let me teach you how to pick
The spangled pockets of that slick
Avuncular old Dandy.

V

“We can begin at once, if you
Will step this way.” The giddy crew
Flocked after him like chickens
To where an effigy there hung
Of Uncle Sam with bells be-strung
Like Fagin’s doll in Dickens.

VI

The Devil then with money fills
The dummy’s pockets—gold and bills
And silver pieces mingling.
“Now try your skill! all you can take
Is yours, my dears, if you don’t shake
The bells and set them jingling.”

VII

The news flew round, and soon the crush
Was like a bargain-counter rush
Of Frantic Ladies struggling;
And soon the Devil was about
A hundred thousand dollars out
And closed his School of Smuggling.

VIII

Exclaiming, “I’m behind the age!”
He kicked the dummy in his rage.
“What’s this—the bells don’t jingle!”
And sure enough the bells were dumb.
Deftly inserted chewing gum
Had stopped their tingle-tingle.

IX

“Ho! ho!” he laughed, “’tis plain to see
New York is too advanced for me.
I should have stayed in Hades;
For who the devil, pray, am I
In this enlightened age to try
My wit against the Ladies!”