The Gentlemen of Letters

Ah me! Had Horace when his muse was flagging,
But given laughing Lalage a rest,
And kept Mæcenas’ pantaloons from bagging,
(Whatever ’twas he wore below his vest.)

If when his frisky Pegasus he mounted,
He’d sung, instead of the eternal HER
The stylish HIM, he might have been accounted
A gentleman as well as litterateur.

If Shakespeare had abstained from malty liquors,
And spent the time (when not purloining plays)
In pressing Francis Bacon’s velvet knickers
He might thereby have gained a social raise.

If Tommy Moore when not devoutly pressing
His suit in amorous rhyme, had pressed instead
His patrons lordly “pants,” it is past guessing
What titles had been showered on his head.

Had Bobby Burns renounced his Highland lassies,
And tuned his pipes to “Gentlemen’s attire,”
He might in time have risen from the masses
And been addressed as Robert Burns, Esquire.

If Hall Caine—............................
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..............but why drag in Hall Caine?

Come, Chaloner, confess like a good feller
By “Gentleman and litterateur” you meant
The literary style of the Best Seller
And the strictly pure refinement of the Gent.