Jarvis and Mrs. Cope

In Bunhill Row, some years ago,
There lived one Mrs. Cope;
A pious woman she was call'd,
As Pius as a Pope.

Not pious in its proper sense,
But chatt'ring like a bird
Of sin and grace--in such a case
Mag-piety's the word.

Cries she, "The Reverend Mr. Trigg
This day a text will broach,
And much I long to hear him preach,
So, Betty, call a coach."

A bargain though she wish'd to make,
Ere they began to jog--
"Now, Coachman, what d'ye take me for?"
Says Coachman, "for a hog."

But Jarvis, when he set her down,
A second hog did lack--
Whereas she only offered him
One shilling and "a track."

Said he, "There ain't no tracks in Quaife,
You and your tracks be both--"

And, affidavit-like, he clench'd
Her shilling with an oath.

Said she, "I'll have you fined for this,
And soon it shall be done,
I'll have you up at Worship Street,
You wicked one, naught one!"

And sure enough at Worship Street
That Friday week they stood;
She said bad language he had used,
And thus she "made it good."

"He said two shilling was his fare,
And wouldn't take no less--
I said one shilling was enough,--
And he said C--U--S!

"And when I raised my eyes at that,
He swore again at them,
I said he was a wicked man,
And he said D--A--M."

Now Jarvy's turn was come to speak,
So he stroked down his hair,
"All what she says is false--cause why?
I'll swear I never swear!

"There's old Joe Hatch, the waterman,
Can tell you what I am;
I'm one of seven children, all
Brought up without a Dam!

"He'll say from two year old and less
Since ever I were nust,
If ever I said C--U--S,
I wish I may be cust!

"At Sion Cottage I takes up,
And raining all the while,
To go to New Jerusalem,
A wery long two mile.

"Well, when I axes for my fare,
She rows me in the street,
And uses words as is not fit
For coachmen to repeat!

"Says she,--I know where you will go,
You sinner! I know well,--
Your worship, it's the P--I--T
Of E and double L;"

Now here his worship stopp'd the case--
Said he--I'll fine you both!
And of the two--why Mrs. Cope's
I think the biggest oath?"