An Historical Poem.

Of a tall stature, and of sable hue,
Much like the son of Kish, that lofty Jew,
Twelve years complete he suffered in exile,
And kept his father's asses all the while;
At length, by wonderful impulse of fate,
The people call him home to help the state,
And, what is more, they send him money too,
And clothe him all, from head to foot, anew.
Nor did he such small favours then disdain,
Who in his thirtieth year began his reign:
In a slashed doublet then he came ashore,
And dubbed poor Palmer's wife his royal whore.
Bishops, and deans, peers, pimps, and knights, he made,
Things highly fitting for a monarch's trade!
With women, wine, and viands of delight,
His jolly vassals feast him day and night.
But the best times have ever some allay,
His younger brother died by treachery.
Bold James survives, no dangers make him flinch;
He marries Signor Falmouth's pregnant wench.
The pious mother queen, hearing her son
Was thus enamoured with a buttered bun,
And that the fleet was gone, in pomp and state,
To fetch, for Charles, the flowery Lisbon Kate,
She chants Te Deum, and so comes away,
To wish her hopeful issue timely joy.
Her most uxorious mate she ruled of old,
Why not with easy youngsters make as bold?
From the French Court she haughty topics brings,
Deludes their pliant nature with vain things;
Her mischief-breeding breast did so prevail,
The new-got Flemish town was set to sale;
For these, and Jermyn's sins, she founds a church,
So slips away, and leaves us in the lurch.
Now the Court-sins did every place defile,
And plagues and war fall heavy on the isle;
Pride nourished folly, folly a delight
With the Batavian Commonwealth to fight;
But the Dutch fleet fled suddenly with fear,
Death and the Duke so dreadful did appear.
The dreadful victor took his soft repose,
Scorning pursuit of such mechanic foes.
But now York's genitals grew over hot,
With Denham's and Carnegie's infected plot,
Which, with religion, so inflamed his ire,
He left the city when 'twas got on fire.
So Philip's son, inflamed with a miss,
Burned down the palace of Persepolis.
Foiled thus by Venus, he Bellona woos,
And with the Dutch a second war renews;
But here his French-bred prowess proved in vain.
De Ruyter claps him in Solebay again.
This isle was well reformed, and gained renown,
Whilst the brave Tudors wore the imperial crown:
But since the royal race of Stuarts came,
It has recoiled to Popery and shame;
Misguided monarchs, rarely wise or just,
Tainted with pride, and with impetuous lust.
Should we the Blackheath project here relate,
Or count the various blemishes of state,
My muse would on the reader's patience grate.
The poor Priapus King, led by the nose,
Looks as a thing set up to scare the crows;
Yet, in the mimics of the spintrian sport,
Outdoes Tiberius, and his goatish Court.
In love's delights none did them e'er excel,
Not Tereus with his sister Philomel;
As they at Athens, we at Dover meet,
And gentlier far the Orleans Duchess treat.
What sad event attended on the same
We'll leave to the report of common fame.
The senate, which should headstrong princes stay,
Let loose the reins, and give the realm away
With lavish hands they constant tributes give,
And annual stipends for their guilt receive;
Corrupt with gold, they wives and daughters bring
To the black idol for an offering.
All but religious cheats might justly swear,
He true vicegerent to old Moloch were.
Priests were the first deluders of mankind,
Who with vain faith made all their reason blind;
Not Lucifer himself more proud than they,
And yet persuade the world they must obey:
'Gainst avarice and luxury complain,
And practise all the vices they arraign.
Riches and honour they from laymen reap,
And with dull crambo feed the silly sheep.
As Killigrew buffoons his master, they
Droll on their god, but a much duller way.
With hocus-pocus, and their heavenly sleight,
They gain on tender consciences at night.
Whoever has an over-zealous wife
Becomes the priest's Amphitryo during life.
Who would such men Heaven's messengers believe,
Who from the sacred pulpit dare deceive?
Baal's wretched curates legerdemained it so,
And never durst their tricks above-board show.
When our first parents Paradise did grace,
The serpent was the prelate of the place;
Fond Eve did, for this subtle tempter's sake,
From the forbidden tree the pippin take;
His God and Lord this preacher did betray,
To have the weaker vessel made his prey.
Since death and sin did human nature blot,
The chiefest blessings Adam's chaplain got.
Thrice wretched they, who nature's laws detest,
To trace the ways fantastic of a priest,
Till native reason's basely forced to yield,
And hosts of upstart errors gain the field.
My muse presumed a little to digress,
And touch their holy function with my verse.
Now to the state again she tends direct,
And does on giant Lauderdale reflect.
This haughty monster, with his ugly claws,
First tempered poison to destroy our laws;
Declares the council's edicts are beyond
The most authentic statutes of the land;
Sets up in Scotland à la mode de France;
Taxes, excise, and armies does advance.
This Saracen his country's freedom broke,
To bring upon their necks the heavier yoke;
This is the savage pimp, without dispute,
First brought his mother for a prostitute;
Of all the miscreants e'er went to hell,
This villain rampant bears away the bell.
Now must my muse deplore the nation's fate,
Like a true lover for her dying mate.
The royal evil so malignant grows,
Nothing the dire contagion can oppose.
In our weal-public scarce one thing succeeds,
For one man's weakness a whole nation bleeds;
His brother, sneaking heretic, should die;
A priest should do it, from whose sacred stroke
All England straight should fall beneath his yoke;
God did renounce him, and his cause disown,
And in his stead had placed him on his throne.
From Saul the land of promise thus was rent,
And Jesse's son placed in the government.
The Holy Scripture vindicates his cause,
And monarchs are above all human laws.
Thus said the Scarlet Whore to her gallant,
Who straight designed his brother to supplant:
Fiends of ambition here his soul possessed,
And thirst of empire calentured his breast.
Hence ruin and destruction had ensued,
And all the people been in blood imbrued,
Had not Almighty Providence drawn near,
And stopped his malice in his full career.
Be wise, ye sons of men, tempt God no more
To give you kings in's wrath to vex you sore:
If a King's brother can such mischiefs bring,
Then how much greater mischiefs such a King.