Look on This Picture and on This

I wish we once were wedded,--then I must be true:
You should hold my will in yours to do or to undo:
But I hate myself now, Eva, when I look at you.

You have seen her hazel eyes, her warm dark skin,
Dark hair -- but oh those hazel eyes a devil is dancing in: --
You, my saint; lead up to heaven, she lures down to sin.

She's so redundant, stately: -- in truth now have you seen
Ever anywhere such beauty, such a stature, such a mien?
She may be queen of devils, but she's ever)- inch a queen.

If you sing to me, I hear her subtler sweeter still
Whispering in each tender cadence strangely sweet to fill
All that lacks in music, all my soul and sense and will.

But you ask, " Why struggle? I have given you up:
Take again your pledges, snap the cord and break the cup:
Feast you with your temptation, for I in heaven will sup."

Can I bear to think upon you strong to break not bend,
Pale with inner intense passion, silent to the end.
Bear to leave you, bear to grieve you, O my dove, my friend?

Listening so, I hide mine eyes and fancy years to come:
You cherished in another home with no cares burdensome:
You straitened in a winding-sheet, pulseless, at peace, and dumb.

Open house and heart, barred to me alone the door:
Children bound to meet her, babies crow before:
Blessed wife and blessed mother whom I may see no more.

Or I fancy -- In the grave her comely body lies:
She is 'tiring for the Bridegroom till the morning star shall rise.
Then to shine a glory in the nuptials of the skies.

No more yearning tenderness, no more pale regret:
She will not look for me when the marriage-guests are set,
She joys with joy eternal as we had never met.

I would that one of us were dead, were gone no more to meet,
Or she and I were dead together stretched here at your feet she ar sheet.
That she and I were strained together in one winding-

How have you the heart to face me with that passion in your stare
Deathly silent? Weep before me, rave at me in your despair: --
If you keep patience, wings will spring and a halo from your hair.

See now how proud you are, like us after all, no saint:
Not so upright but that you are bowed with the old bent:
White at white-heat, tainted with the devil's special taint.

Did I love you? Never from the first cold day to this:
You are not sufficient for my aim of life, my bliss:
You are not sufficient, but I found the one that is.

Then did I never love you? -- ah the sting struck home at last I
You are drooping, fainting, dying -- the worst of death is past --
A light is on your face from the nearing heaven forecast.

Never? -- yes I loved you then: I loved, the word still charms:
For the first time, last time, lie here in my heart, my arms.
For the first last time, as if I shielded you from harms.

For after all I loved you, loved you then, I love you yet:
Listen, love, I love you: see, the seal of truth is set
On my face, in tears -- you cannot see? then feel them wet.

Pause at heaven's dear gate, look back, one moment back to grieve:
You go home through death to life: but I, I still must live:
On the threshold of heaven's love, O love, can you forgive? --

Fully freely fondly, with heart-truth above an oath,
With eager utter pardon, given unasked and nothing loth.
Heaping coals of fire upon our heads, forgiving both.

One word more -- not one I One look more -- too late, too late!
Lapped in love she sleeps who was lashed with scorn and hate:
Nestling in the lap of Love the dove has found a mate.

Night has come, the night of rest: day will come, that day:
To her glad dawn of glory kindled from the deathless ray:
To us a searching fire and strict balances to weigh.

The tearless tender eyes are closed, the tender lips are dumb --
I shall not see or hear them more until that day shall come:
Then they must speak; what will they say? -- what then will be the sum? --

Shall we stand upon the left, and she upon the right --
We smirched with endless death and shame, she glorified in white --
Will she sound our accusation in intolerable light?