The Village Wife; or, The Entail

'OUSE-KEEPER sent tha my lass, fur New
Squire coom'd last night.
Butter an' heggs—yis—yis. I'll goa wi' tha back: all right;
Butter I warrants be prime, an' I war-rants the heggs be as well,
Hafe a pint o' milk runs out when ya breaks the shell.

Sit thysen down fur a bit: hev a glass o' cowslip wine!
I liked the owd Squire an' 'is gells as thaw they was gells o' mine,
Fur then we was all es one, the Squire an' 'is darters an' me,
Hall but Miss Annie, the heldest, I niver not took to she:
But Nelly, the last of the cletch, I liked
'er the fust on 'em all,
Fur hoffens we talkt o' my darter es died o' the fever at fall:
An' I thowt 'twur the will o' the Lord, but
Miss Annie she said it wur draains,
Fur she hedn't naw coomfut in 'er, an' arn'd naw thanks fur 'er paains.
Eh! thebbe all wi' the Lord my childer,
I han't gotten none!
Sa new Squire's coom'd wi' 'is taail in 'is
'and, an' owd Squire's gone.

Fur 'staate be i' taail, my lass: tha dosn' knaw what that be?
But I knaws the law, I does, for the lawyer ha towd it me,
'When theer's naw 'ead to a 'Ouse by the fault o' that ere maale—
The gells they counts fur nowt, and the next un he taakes the taail.'

What be the next un like? can tha tell ony harm on 'im lass?—
Naay sit down—naw 'urry—sa cowd!— hev another glass!
Straange an' cowd fur the time! we may happen a fall o' snaw—
Not es I cares fur to hear ony harm, but
I likes to knaw.
An' I 'oaps es 'e beant boooklarn'd: but
'e dosn' not coom fro' the shere;
We'd anew o' that wi' the Squire, an' we haates boooklarnin' ere.

Fur Squire wur a Varsity scholard, an' niver lookt arter the land—
Whoats or tonups or taates—'e 'ed hallus a boook i' 'is 'and,
Hallus aloan wi' 'is boooks, thaw nigh upo' seventy year.
An' boooks, what's boooks? thou knaws thebbe naither 'ere nor theer.

An' the gells, they hedn't naw taails, an' the lawyer he towd it me
That 'is taail were soa tied up es he couldn't cut down a tree!
'Drat the trees, 'says I, to be sewer I haates 'em, my lass,
Fur we puts the muck o' the land an' they sucks the muck fro' the grass.

An' Squire wur hallus a-smilin', an' gied to the tramps goin' by—
An' all o' the wust i' the parish—wi' hoffens a drop in 'is eye.
An' ivry darter o' Squire's bed her awn ridin-erse to 'ersen,
An' they rampaged about wi' their grooms, an' was 'untin' arter the men,
An' hallus a-dallackt' an' dizen'd out, an' a-buyin' new cloathes.
While 'e sit like a great glimmer-gowk wi 'is glasses athurt 'is noase,
An' 'is noase sa grufted wi' snuff es it couldn't be scroob'd awaay,
Fur atween 'is readin' an' writin' 'e snifft up a box in a daay,
An' 'e niver runn'd arter the fox, nor arter the birds wi' 'is gun,
An' 'e niver not shot one 'are, but 'e leaved it to Charlie 'is son,
An' 'e niver not fish'd 'is awn ponds, but
Charlie 'e cotch'd the pike,
For 'e warn't not burn to the land, an' 'e didn't take kind to it like;
But I ears es 'e'd gie fur a howry owd book thutty pound an' moor,
An' 'e'd wrote an owd book, his awn sen, sa I knaw'd es 'e'd coom to be poor;
An' 'e gied—I be fear'd fur to tell tha 'ow much—fur an owd scratted stoan,
An' 'e digg'd up a loomp i' the land an'
'e got a brown pot an' a boan,
An' 'e bowt owd money, es wouldn't goa, wi' good gowd o' the Queen,
An' 'e bowt little statutes all-naakt an' which was a shaame to be seen;
But 'e niver loookt ower a bill, nor 'e niver not seed to owt,
An' 'e niver knawd nowt but boooks, an' boooks, as thou knaws, bean't nowt.

But owd Squire's laady es long es she lived she kep 'em all clear,
Thaw es long es she lived I niver hed none of 'er darters 'ere;
But arter she died we was all es one, the childer an' me,
An' sarvints runn'd in an' out, an' offens we hed 'em to tea.
Lawk! 'ow I laugh'd when the lasses 'ud talk o' their Missis's waays,

An' the Missisis talk'd o' the lasses.—I'll tell tha some o' these daays.
Hoanly Miss Annie were saw stuck oop, like 'er mother afoor—
'Er an' 'er blessed darter—they niver derken'd my door.

An' Squire 'e smiled an' 'e smiled till 'e'd gotten a fright at last,
An' 'e calls fur 'is son, fur the 'turney's letters they foller'd sa fast;
But Squire wur afear'd o' 'is son, an' 'e says to 'im, meek as a mouse,
'Lad, thou mun cut off thy taail, or the gells 'ull goa to the 'Ouse',
Fur I finds es I be that i' debt, es I 'oaps es thou'll 'elp me a bit,
An' if thou'll 'gree to cut off thy taail I may saave my sen yit.'

But Charlie 'e sets back 'is ears, an' 'e swears, an' 'e says to 'im' Noa.
I've gotten the 'staate by the taail an' be dang'd if I iver let goa!
Coom! coom! feyther,' 'e says, 'why shouldn't thy boooks be sowd?
I hears es soom o' thy boooks mebbe worth their weight i' gowd.'

Heaps an' heaps o' boooks, I ha' see'd
'em, belong'd to the Squire,
But the lasses 'ed teard out leaves i' the middle to kindle the fire;
Sa moast on 'is owd big boooks fetch'd nigh to nowt at the saale,
And Squire were at Charlie agean to git
'im to cut off 'is taail.

Ya wouldn't find Charlie's likes—'e were that outdacious at 'oam,
Not thaw ya went fur to raake out Hell wi' a small-tooth coamb—
Droonk wi' the Quoloty's wine, an' droonk wi' the farmer's aale,
Mad wi' the lasses an' all—an' 'e wouldn't cut off the taail.

Thou's coom'd oop by the beck; and a thurn be a-grawin' theer,
I niver ha seed it sa white wi' the Maay es I see'd it to-year—
Theerabouts Charlie joompt—and it gied me a scare tother night,
Fur I thowt it wur Charlie's ghoast i' the derk, fur it loookt sa white.
'Billy,' says 'e, 'hev a joomp!'—thaw the banks o' the beck be sa high,
Fur he ca'd 'is 'erse Billy-rough-un, thaw niver a hair wur awry;
But Billy fell bakkuds o' Charlie, an'
Charlie 'e brok 'is neck,
Sa theer wur a hend o' the taail, fur 'e lost 'is taail i' the beck.

Sa 'is taail wur lost an' 'is boooks wur gone an' 'is boy wur dead,
An' Squire 'e smiled an' 'e smiled, but 'e niver not lift oop 'is 'ead:
Hallus a soft un Squire! an' 'e smiled, fur 'e hedn't naw friend,
Sa feyther an' son was buried togither, an' this wur the hend.

An' Parson as hesn't the call, nor the mooney, but lies the pride,
'E reads of a sewer an' sartan 'oap o' the tother side;
But I beant that sewer es the Lord, how-siver they praay'd an' praay'd,
Lets them inter 'eaven easy es leaves their debts to be paaid.
Siver the mou'ds rattled down upo' poor owd Squire i' the wood,
An' I cried along wi' the gells, fur they weant niver coom to naw good.

Fur Molly the long un she walkt awaay wi' a hofficer lad,
An' nawbody 'card oner sin, sa o' coorse she be gone to the bad!
An' Lucy wur laame o' one leg, sweet-'arts she niver 'ed none—

Straange an' unheppen Miss Lucy! we naamed her 'Dot an' gaw one!'
An' Hetty wur weak i' the hattics, wi'out ony harm i' the legs,
An' the fever 'ed baaked Jinny's 'ead as bald as one o' them heggs,
An' Nelly wur up fro' the craadle as big i' the mouth as a cow,
An' saw she mun hammergrate, lass, or she weant git a maate onyhow!
An' es for Miss Annie es call'd me afoor my awn foalks to my faace
'A hignorant village wife as 'ud hev to be larn'd her awn plaace,'
Hes fur Miss Hannie the heldest hes now be a-grawin' sa howd,
I knaws that mooch o' shea, es it beant not fit to be towd!

Sa I didn't not taake it kindly ov owd
Miss Annie to saay
Es I should be talkin' agean 'em, es soon es they went awaay,
Fur, lawks! 'ow I cried when they went, an' our Nelly she gied me 'er 'and,
Fur I'd ha done owt for the Squire an' 'is gells es belong'd to the land;
Boooks, es I said afoor, thebbe neyther 'ere nor theer!
But I sarved 'em wi' butter an' heggs fur huppuds o' twenty year.

An' they hallus paaid what I hax'd, sa I hallus deal'd wi' the Hall,
An' they knaw'd what butter wur, an' they knaw'd what a hegg wur an' all;
Hugger-mugger they lived, but they wasn't that easy to please,
Till I gied 'em Hinjian curn, an' they laaid big heggs es tha seeas;
An' I niver puts saame i' my butter, they does it at Willis's farm,
Taaste another drop o' the wine—tweant do tha naw harm.

l Ungainly, awkward.
Sa new Squire's coom'd wi' 'is taail in 'is
'and, an' owd Squire's gone;
I heard 'im a roomlin' by, but arter my nightcap wur on;
Sa I han't clapt eyes on 'im yit, fur he coom'd last night sa laate—
Pluksh!!! the hens i' the peas! why didn't tha hesp the gaate?