The Infantryman

I WISH I 'ad entered the Navy —
It's damp when the decks are a-wash;
But the 'appy A.B., unlike you and me,
Ain't always knee-deep in the slosh.

I wish I 'ad signed as a bird-man —
'Taint nice to fall outer the sky;
But 'e 'as got the fun of observing a 'Un
Afore he gets nicked in the eye.

I wish I 'ad gone for the cavalry —
There's yourself and a 'orse to keep neat;
But it must save some trouble if your 'orse does the double
When you're launched on a ruddy retreat.

I wish I 'ad tried anti-aircraft —
It's 'ard to get off your armchair
When a Zeppelin blows by; but I'd 'ave a good try
To drill a thick 'ole in the air.

I wish I 'ad joined the Staff Collidge —
They work at the juice of a pace
Drorin' maps — reg'lar rippers — fetchin' generals their slippers;
But you can use yer brains at the base.

I wish I 'ad applied for munitions —
You should see me do 'alf-weekly spells;
No unions I'd worry by bein' in a hurry —
No — I'd get the V.C. making shells.

But I've been and entered the infantry,
And I lives like a eel in the slosh —
"Dam fool!" did you say, lad? Well, any ole way, lad,
It's we that gets quits with the Boche.