Praying for Rain

How difficult, alas! to please mankind!
One or the other every moment MUTTERS:
This wants an eastern, that a western, wind:
A third, petition for a southern, utters.
Some pray for rain, and some for frost and snow:
How can Heaven suit ALL palates?--I don't know.

Good Lamb, the curate, much approved,
Indeed by all his flock BELOVED,
Was one dry summer begged to pray for rain.
The parson most devoutly prayed--
The powers of prayer were soon displayed;
Immediately a TORRENT drenched the plain.

It chanced that the church warden, Robin Jay,
Had of his meadow not yet SAVED the hay:
Thus was his hay to HEALTH quite past restoring.
It happened too that Robin was from home;
But when he heard the story, in a foam
He sought the parson, like a lion roaring.

"Zounds! Parson Lamb, why, what have you been doing!
A pretty storm, indeed, ye have been brewing!
What! pray for RAIN before I SAVED my hay!
Oh! you re a cruel and ungrateful man!
I that forever help you all I can;
Ask you to dine with me and Mistress Jay,
Whenever we have something on the spit,
Or in the pot a nice and dainty bit;

"Send you a goose, a pair of chicken,
Whose bones you are so fond of picking;
And often too a cag of brandy!
YOU that were welcome to a treat,
To smoke and chat, and drink and eat;
Making my house so very handy!

"YOU, parson, serve one such a scurvy trick!
Zounds! you must have the bowels of Old Nick.
What! bring the flood of Noah from the skies,
With MY fine field of hay before your eyes!
A numskull, that I wer'n't of this aware.--
Curse me but I had stopped your pretty prayer!"
"Dear Mister Jay!" quoth Lamb, "alas! alas!
I never thought upon your field of grass."

"Lord! parson, you're a fool, one might suppose--
Was not the field just underneath your NOSE?
This is a very pretty losing job!"--
"Sir," quoth the curate, "know that Harry Cobb
Your brother warden joined, to have the prayer,"--
"Cobb! Cobb! why this for Cobb was only SPORT:
What doth Cobb own that any rain can HURT?"
Roared furious Jay as broad as he could stare.

"The fellow owns, as far as I can LARN,
A few old houses only, and a barn;
As that's the case, zounds! what are showers to HIM?
Not Noah's flood could make HIS trumpery SWIM.

"Besides--why could you not for drizzle pray?
Why force it down in BUCKETS on the hay?
Would I have played with YOUR hay such a freak?
No! I'd have stopped the weather for a week."

"Dear Mister Jay, I do protest,
I acted solely for the best;
I do affirm it, Mister Jay, indeed.
Your anger for this ONCE restrain,
I'll never bring a drop again
Till you and all the parish are AGREED."