Act III, Scene III

GAMMER.
Dame Chat, ch'ould pray thee fair, let me have that is mine!
Chill not these twenty years take one fart that is thine;
Therefore give me mine own, and let me live beside thee.

CHAT.
Why art thou crept from home hither, to mine own doors to
chide me?
Hence, doating drab, avaunt, or I shall set thee further!
Intends thou and that knave me in my house to murther?

GAMMER.
Tush, gape not so on me, woman! shalt not yet eat me,
Nor all the friends thou hast in this shall not entreat me!
Mine own goods I will have, and ask thee no by leave:
What, woman! poor folks must have right, though the thing you aggrieve.

CHAT.
Give thee thy right, and hang thee up, with all thy beggar's
brood!
What, wilt thou make me a thief, and say I stole thy good?

GAMMER.
Chill say nothing, ich warrant thee, but that ich can prove
it well.
Thou set my good even from my door, cham able this to tell!

CHAT.
Did I, old witch, steal aught was thine? how should that thing
be known?

GAMMER.
Ich cannot tell; but up thou tookest it as though it had been
thine own.

CHAT.
Marry, fie on thee, thou old gib, with all my very heart!

GAMMER.
Nay, fie on thee, thou ramp, thou rig, with all that take
thy part!

CHAT.
A vengeance on those lips that layeth such things to my charge!

GAMMER.
A vengeance on those callet's hips, whose conscience is so
large!

CHAT.
Come out, hog!

GAMMER.
Come out, hog, and let have me right!

CHAT.
Thou arrant witch!

GAMMER.
Thou bawdy bitch, chill make thee curse this night!

CHAT.
A bag and a wallet!

GAMMER.
A cart for a callet!

CHAT.
Why, weenest thou thus to prevail?
I hold thee a groat, I shall patch thy coat!

GAMMER.
Thou wert as good kiss my tail!
Thou slut, thou cut, thou rakes, thou jakes! will not shame make thee
hide thee?

CHAT.
Thou skald, thou bald, thou rotten, thou glutton! I will no
longer chide thee;
But I will teach thee to keep home.

GAMMER.
Wilt thou, drunken beast?

[They fight.]

HODGE.
Stick to her, gammer, take her by the head, chill warrant
you this feast!
Smite, I say, gammer! Bite, I say, gammer! I trow ye will be keen!
Where be your nails? claw her by the jaws, pull me out both her eyen.
Gog's bones, gammer, hold up your head!

CHAT.
I trow, drab, I shall dress thee.
Tarry, thou knave, I hold thee a groat! I shall make these hands
bless thee!
Take thou this, old whore, for amends, and learn thy tongue well to
tame,
And say thou met at this bickering, not thy fellow but thy dame!

HODGE.
Where is the strong stewed whore? chill gi'r a whore's mark!
Stand out one's way, that ich kill none in the dark!
Up, gammer, and ye be alive! chill fight now for us both.
Come no near me, thou scald callet! to kill thee ich were loth.

CHAT.
Art here again, thou hoddypeke? what, Doll! bring me out my
spit.

HODGE.
Chill broach thee with this, by m'father's soul, chill
conjure that foul spreet.
Let door stand. Cock! why com'st indeed? keep door, thou whoreson boy!

CHAT.
[To Doll.]
Stand to it, thou dastard, for thine ears, ise
teach thee, a sluttish toy!

HODGE.
Gog's wounds, whore, chill make thee avaunt!
Take heed, Cock, pull in the latch!

CHAT.
I'faith, sir Loose-breech, had ye tarried, ye should have
found your match!

GAMMER.
Now 'ware thy throat, losel, thou'se pay for all!

HODGE.
Well said, gammer, by my soul.
Hoise her, souse her, bounce her, trounce her, pull her throat-bole!

CHAT.
Com'st behind me, thou withered witch? and I get once on foot!
Thou'se pay for all, thou old tar-leather! I'll teach thee what longs
to 't!
Take thee this to make up thy mouth, till time thou come by more!

HODGE.
Up, gammer, stand on your feet; where is the old whore?
Faith, would chad her by the face, chould crack her callet crown!

GAMMER.
Ah, Hodge, Hodge, where was thy help, when vixen had me down?

HODGE.
By the mass, gammer, but for my staff Chat had gone nigh to
spill you!
Ich think the harlot had not cared, and chad not come, to kill you.
But shall we lose our nee'le thus?

GAMMER.
No, Hodge, chwere loth to do so.
Thinkest thou chill take that at her hand? no, Hodge, ich tell thee no.

HODGE.
Chould yet this fray were well take up, and our nee'le at
home,
'Twill be my chance else some to kill, wherever it be or whom!

GAMMER.
We have a parson, Hodge, thou knows, a man esteemed wise,
Mast Doctor Rat; chill for him send, and let me hear his advice.
He will her shrive for all this gear, and give her penance straight;
Wese have our nee'le, else dame Chat comes ne'er within heaven-gate.

HODGE.
Yea, marry, gammer, that ich think best: will you now for
him send?
The sooner Doctor Rat be here, the sooner wese ha' an end.
And here, gammer! Diccon's devil, as ich remember well,
Of cat, and Chat, and Doctor Rat, a felonious tale did tell.
Chold you forty pound, that is the way your nee'le to get again.

GAMMER.
Chill ha' him straight! Call out the boy, wese make him
take the pain.

HODGE.
What, Cock, I say! come out! What devil! can'st not hear?

COCK.
How now, Hodge? how does gammer, is yet the weather clear?
What would chave me to do?

GAMMER.
Come hither, Cock, anon!
Hence swith to Doctor Rat, hie thee that thou were gone,
And pray him come speak with me, cham not well at ease.
Shalt have him at his chamber, or else at Mother Bee's;
Else seek him at Hob Filcher's shop, for as cheard it reported,
There is the best ale in all the town, and now is most resorted.

COCK.
And shall ich bring him with me, gammer?

GAMMER.
Yea, by and by, good Cock.

COCK.
Shalt see that shall be here anon, else let me have on the
dock.

HODGE.
Now, gammer, shall we two go in, and tarry for his coming?
What devil, woman! pluck up your heart, and leave off all this
glooming.
Though she were stronger at the first, as ich think ye did find her,
Yet there ye dress'd the drunken sow, what time ye came behind her.

GAMMER.
Nay, nay, cham sure she lost not all, for, set th'end to
the beginning,
And ich doubt not but she will make small boast of her winning.