Act II, Scene II

Enter EUCLIO.

EUC. (to himself). My mind had a presentiment that I was going to no purpose when I left my house; and therefore I went unwillingly; for neither did any one of the wardsmen come, nor yet the master of the ward, who ought to have distributed the money. Now I'm making all haste to hasten home; for I myself am here, my mind's at home.

MEG. (accosting him). May you be well, and ever fortunate, Euclio!

EUC. May the Gods bless you, Megadorus!

MEG. How are you? Are you quite well, and as you wish?

EUC. (aside). It isn't for nothing when a rich man accosts a poor man courteously; now this fellow knows that I've got some gold; for that reason he salutes me more courteously.

MEG. Do you say that you are well?

EUC. Troth, I'm not very well in the money line.

MEG. I' faith, if you've a contented mind, you have enough to be passing a good life with.

EUC. (aside). By my faith, the old woman has made a discovery to him about the gold; 'tis clear it's all out. I'll cut off her tongue, and tear out her eyes, when I get home.

MEG. Why are you talking to yourself?

EUC. I'm lamenting my poverty; I've a grown-up girl without a portion, and one that can't be disposed of in marriage; nor have I the ability to marry her to anybody.

MEG. Hold your peace; be of good courage, Euclio: she shall be given in marriage; you shall be assisted by myself. Say, if you have need of aught: command me.

EUC. (aside). Now is he aiming at my property, while he's making promises; he's gaping for my gold, that he may devour it; in the one hand he is carrying a stone, while he shows the bread in the other. I trust no person, who, rich himself, is exceedingly courteous to a poor man; when he extends his hand with a kind air, then is he loading you with some damage. I know these polypi, who, when they've touched a thing, hold it fast.

MEG. Give me your attention, Euclio, for a little time: I wish to address you in a few words, about a common concern of yours and mine.

EUC. (aside). Alas! woe is me! my gold has been grabbed from in-doors: now he's wishing for this thing, I'm sure, to come to a compromise with me; but I'll go look in my house. (He goes towards his door.)

MEG. Where are you going?

EUC. I'll return to you directly, for there's something I must go and see to at home. (He goes into his house.)

MEG. By my troth, I do believe that when I make mention of his daughter, for him to promise her to me, he'll suppose that he's being laughed at by me; nor is there out of the whole class of paupers one more beggarly than he. (Euclio returns from his house.)

EUC. (aside). The Gods do favour me; my property's all safe. If nothing's lost, it's safe. I was very dreadfully afraid, before I went in-doors! I was almost dead! (Aloud.) I'm come back to you, Megadorus, if you wish to say anything to me.

MEG. I return you thanks; I beg that as to what I shall enquire of you, you'll not hesitate to speak out boldly.

EUC. So long, indeed, as you enquire nothing that I mayn't choose to speak out upon.

MEG. Tell me, of what sort of family do you consider me to be sprung?

EUC. Of a good one.

MEG. What think you as to my character?

EUC. 'Tis a good one.

MEG. What of my conduct?

EUC. Neither bad nor dishonest.

MEG. Do you know my years?

EUC. I know that they are plentiful, just like your money.

MEG. I' faith, for sure I really did always take you to be a citizen without any evil guile, and now I think you so.

EUC. (aside). He smells the gold. (Aloud.) What do you want with me now?

MEG. Since you know me, and I know you, what sort of person you are--a thing, that may it bring a blessing on myself, and you and your daughter, I ask your daughter as my wife. Promise me that it shall be so.

EUC. Heyday! Megadorus, you are doing a deed that's not becoming to your usual actions, in laughing at me, a poor man, and guiltless towards yourself and towards your family. For neither in act, nor in words, have I ever deserved it of you, that you should do what you are now doing.

MEG. By my troth, I neither am come to laugh at you, nor am I laughing at you, nor do I think you deserving of it.

EUC. Why then do you ask for my daughter for yourself?

MEG. That through me it may be better for you, and through you and yours for me.

EUC. This suggests itself to my mind, Megadorus, that you are a wealthy man, a man of rank; that I likewise am a person, the poorest of the poor; now, if I should give my daughter in marriage to you, it suggests itself to my mind that you are the ox, and that I am the ass; when I'm yoked to you, and when I'm not able to bear the burden equally with yourself, I, the ass, must lie down in the mire; you, the ox, would regard me no more than if I had never been born; and I should both find you unjust, and my own class would laugh at me; in neither direction should I have a fixed stall, if there should be any separation; the asses would tear me with their teeth, the oxen would butt at me with their horns. This is the great hazard, in my passing over from the asses to the oxen.

MEG. The nearer you can unite yourself in alliance with the virtuous, so much the better. Do you receive this proposal, listen to me, and promise her to me.

EUC. But indeed there is no marriage-portion.

MEG. You are to give none; so long as she comes with good principles, she is sufficiently portioned.

EUC. I say so for this reason, that you mayn't be supposing that I have found any treasures.

MEG. I know that; don't enlarge upon it. Promise her to me.

EUC. So be it. (Starts and looks about.) But, O Jupiter, am I not utterly undone?

MEG. What's the matter with you?

EUC. What was it sounded just now as though it were iron?

MEG. Here at my place, I ordered them to dig up the garden. (Euclio runs off into his house.) But where is this man? He's off, and he hasn't fully answered me; he treats me with contempt. Because he sees that I wish for his friendship, he acts after the manner of mankind. For if a wealthy person goes to ask a favour of a poorer one, the poor man is afraid to treat with him; through his apprehension he hurts his own interest. The same person, when this opportunity is lost, too late, then wishes for it.

EUC. (coming out of the house, addressing STAPHYLA within). By the powers, if I don't give you up to have your tongue cut out by the roots, I order and I authorize you to hand me over to any one you please to be incapacitated.

MEG. By my troth, Euclio, I perceive that you consider me a fit man for you to make sport of in my old age, for no deserts of my own.

EUC. I' faith, Megadorus, I am not doing so, nor, should I desire it, had I the means.

MEG. How now? Do you then betroth your daughter to me?

EUC. On those terms, and with that portion which I mentioned to you.

MEG. Do you promise her then?

EUC. I do promise her.

MEG. May the Gods bestow their blessings, on it.

EUC. May the Gods so do. Take you care of this, and remember that we've agreed, that my daughter is not to bring you any portion.

MEG. I remember it.

EUC. But I understand in what fashion you, of your class, are wont to equivocate; an agreement is no agreement, no agreement is an agreement, just as it pleases you.

MEG. I'll have no misunderstanding with you. But what reason is there why we shouldn't have the nuptials this day?

EUC. Why, by my troth, there is very good reason for them.

MEG. I'll go, then, and prepare matters. Do you want me in any way?

EUC. That shall be done. Fare you well.

MEG. (going to the door of his house and calling out). Hallo! Strobilus, follow me quickly, in all haste, to the flesh-market. (Exit MEGADORUS.)

EUC. He has gone hence. Immortal Gods, I do beseech you! How powerful is gold! I do believe, now, that he has had some intimation that I've got a treasure at home; he's gaping for that; for the sake of that has he persisted in this alliance.