Act III, Scene III

Enter ANTIPHO from the house, behind at a distance.

ANT. (to himself.) I’m expecting every moment that Geta will be here. But I see my uncle standing close by, with my father. Ah me! how much I fear what influence his return may have upon my father!

GETA. (to himself.) I’ll accost them. (Goes up to them.) O welcome to you, our neighbor Chremes.

CHREM. Save you, Geta.

GETA. I’m delighted to see you safe returned.

CHREM. I believe you.

GETA. How go matters?

CHREM. Many changes here upon my arrival, as usually the case.

GETA. True; have you heard what has happened to Antipho?

CHREM. All.

GETA. (to DEMIPHO.) What, have you told him? Disgraceful conduct, Chremes, thus to be imposed on.

DEM. It was about that I was talking to him just now.

GETA. But really, on carefully reflecting upon this matter I think I have found a remedy.

DEM. What is the remedy?

GETA. When I left you, by accident Phormio met me.

CHREM. Who is Phormio?

GETA. He who patronized her.

CHREM. I understand.

GETA. It seemed to me that I might first sound him; I took the fellow aside: “Phormio,” said I, “why don’t we try to settle these matters between us rather with a good grace than with a bad one? My master’s a generous man, and one who hates litigation; but really, upon my faith, all his friends were just now advising him with one voice to turn her instantly out of doors.”

ANT. (apart.) What is he about? Or where is this to end at last?

GETA (continuing the supposed conversation.) “He’ll have to give satisfaction at law, you say, if he turns her out? That has been already inquired into: aye, aye, you’ll have enough to do, if you engage with him; he is so eloquent. But suppose he’s beaten; still, however, it’s not his life, but his money that’s at stake.” After I found that the fellow was influenced by these words, I said: “We are now by ourselves here; come now, what should you like to be given you, money down, to drop this suit with my master, so that she may betake herself off, and you annoy us no more?”

ANT. (apart.) Are the Gods quite on good terms with him?

GETA (continuing the conversation.) “For I’m quite sure, if you were to mention any thing that’s fair and reasonable, as he is a reasonable man, you’ll not have to bandy three words with him.”

DEM. Who ordered you to say so?

CHREM. Nay, he could not have more happily contrived to bring about what we want.

ANT. (apart.) Undone!

CHREM. Go on with your story.

GETA. At first the fellow raved.

DEM. Say, what did he ask?

GETA. What? A great deal too much.

CHREM. How much? Tell me.

GETA. Suppose he were to give a great talent.

DEM. Aye, faith, perdition to him rather; has he no shame?

GETA. Just what I said to him: “Pray,” said I, “suppose he was portioning an only daughter of his own. It has been of little benefit that he hasn’t one of his own, when another has been found to be demanding a fortune.” To be brief, and to pass over his impertinences, this at last was his final answer: “I,” said he, “from the very first, have been desirous to marry the daughter of my friend, as was fit I should; for I was aware of the ill results of this, a poor wife being married into a rich family, and becoming a slave. But, as I am now conversing with you unreservedly, I was in want of a wife to bring me a little money with which to pay off my debts; and even yet, if Demipho is willing to give as much as I am to receive with her to whom I am engaged, there is no one whom I should better like for a wife.”

ANT. (apart.) Whether to say he’s doing this through folly or mischief, through stupidity or design, I’m in doubt.

DEM. What if he’s in debt to the amount of his life?

GETA. His land is mortgaged,-- for ten minæ he said.

DEM. Well, well, let him take her then; I’ll give it.

GETA. He has a house besides, mortgaged for another ten.

DEM. Huy, huy! that’s too much.

CHREM. Don’t be crying out; you may have those ten of me.

GETA. A lady’s maid must be brought for his wife; and then too, a little more is wanted for some furniture, and some is wanted for the wedding expenses. “Well then,” said he, “for these items, put down ten more.”

DEM. Then let him at once bring six hundred actions against me; I shall give nothing at all; is this dirty fellow to be laughing at me as well?

CHREM. Pray do be quiet; I’ll give it: do you only bring your son to marry the woman we want him to have.

ANT. (apart.) Ah me! Geta, you have ruined me by your treachery.

CHREM. ’Tis on my account she’s turned off; it’s right that I should bear the loss.

GETA. “Take care and let me know,” said he, “as soon as possible, if they are going to let me have her, that I may get rid of the other, so that I mayn’t be in doubt; for the others have agreed to pay me down the portion directly.”

CHREM. Let him have her at once; let him give notice to them that he breaks off the match with the other, and let him marry this woman.

DEM. Yes, and little joy to him of the bargain!

CHREM. Luckily, too, I’ve now brought home some money with me, the rents which my wife’s farms at Lemnos produce. I’ll take it out of that, and tell my wife that you had occasion for it. (They go into the house of CHREMES.)