The Secret of the Mere

I BUILT a hut beside the Mere,
A lowly hut of turf and stone;
Therein I thought from year to year
To dwell in silence and alone,
Watching the lights of heaven chase
The phantoms on the water's face.

The world of men was far away;
There was no sound, no speech, no cry;
All desolate the dark Mere lay
Under the mountains and the sky —
A sullen Mere, where sadly brood
Dark shadows of the solitude.

'It is an evil world,' I said;
'There is no hope, my doom is dark.'
And in despair of soul I fled
Where not another eye might mark
My silent pain, my heart's distress,
And all my spirit's weariness.

And when I came unto the Mere,
It lay and gleam'd through days of gloom.
The livid mountains gather' d drear
All round, like stones upon a tomb;
Around its margin rusted red
The dark earth crumbled 'neath my tread.

I said, ' It is a godless place —
Dark, desolate, and curst, like me.
Here, through all seasons, shall my face
Behold its image silently.'
And from that hour I linger' d there
In protestation and despair.

For mark, the hills were stone and sand,
Not strewn with scented red or green —
All empty as a dead man's hand,
And empty lay the Mere between.
No flocks fed there, no shepherd's cry
Awoke the echoes of the sky.

And through a sullen mist I came,
And beast-like crept unto my lair;
And many days I crouched in shame
Out of the sunshine and sweet air.
I heard the passing wind and rain,
Like weary waves within the brain.

But when I rose and glimmer'd forth,
Ghost-wise across my threshold cold,
The clouds had lifted west and north,
And all the peaks were touch'dwith gold.
I smiled in scorn; far down beneath
The waters lay as dark as death.

I said, ' Go by, O golden light!
Thou canst not scatter darkness here.
In two sad bosoms there is night,
In mine and in the lonely Mere;
Light thou thy lamps, and go thy way.'
It went, and all the heavens grew grey.

And when the lamps of heaven were lit,
I did not raise mine eyes to see,
But watch'd the ghostly glimmers flit
On the black waters silently.
I hid my face from heaven, and kept
Dark vigil when the bright sun slept.

And ever when the daylight grew
I saw with joy the hills were high;
From dawn to dark, the live day through,
Not lighting as the sun went by;
Only at noon one finger-ray
Touch'd us, and then was drawn away.

I cried, ' God cannot find me now;
Done now am I with praise or pain.'
Beside the Mere, with darken' d brow,
I walk'd as desolate as Cain.
I cried, ' Not even God could rear
One seed of love or blessing here! '

'Twas Spring that day; the air was chill;
Above the heights white clouds were roll'd,
The Mere below was blue as Steel,
And all the air was chill and cold,
When suddenly from air and sky
I heard a solitary cry.

Ah me! it was the same sweet sound
That I had heard afar away;
Sad echoes waken'd all around
Out of the rocks and caverns grey,
And looking upward, weary-eyed,
I saw the gentle bird that cried.

Upon a rock sat that sweet bird,
As he had sat on pale or tree,
And while the hills and waters heard,
He named his name to them and me.
I thought, ' God sends the Spring again,
But here at least it comes in vain! '

From rock to rock I saw him fly,
Silent in flight, but loud at rest;
And ever at his summer cry
The mountains gladden'd and seem'd bless'd,
And in the hollows of them all
Faint flames of grass began to crawl!

Some secret hand I could not see
Was busy where I dwelt alone;
It touched with tender tracery,
Faint as a breath, the cliffs of stone;
Out of the earth it drew soft moss,
And lichens shapen like the Cross.

And lo 1 at every step I took
Some faint life lived, some sweetness stirred,
While loosen'd torrents leapt and shook
Their shining hair to hear the bird,
And white clouds ran across the blue,
And sweet sights rose, and sweet sounds grew.

I hated every sight and sound;
I hated most that happy cry.
I saw the mountains glory-crown' d,
And the bright heavens drifting by;
I felt the earth beneath my tread,
Now kindling quick, that late was dead!

Daily I stole unto the Mere,
And black as ever was its sleep.
Close to its margin all was drear;
I heard the weary waters creep.
I laugh' d aloud, ' Though all grow light,
We twain keep dark, in God's despite!

'We will not smile nor utter praise;
He made us dark, and dark we brood.
Sun-hating, desolate of days,
We dwell apart in solitude.
Let Him light lamps for all the land;
We darken and elude His hand."

Scarce had I spoken in such wise,
When as before I heard the bird,
And lo! the Mere beneath mine eyes
Was deeply, mystically stirred:
A sunbeam broke its gloom apart,
And Heaven trembled in its heart;

There, clustering in that under-gloom,
Like rising stars that open dim,
Innumerable, leaf and bloom,
I saw the water-lilies swim,
Still 'neath the surface dark to sight,
But creeping upward to the light.

As countless as the lights above,
Stirring and glimmering below,
They gather' d; and I watched them move,
Till on the surface, white as snow,
One came, grew glad, and open'd up,
A pinch of gold in its white cup!

Then suddenly within my breast
Some life of rapture open'd too,
And I forgot my bitter quest,
Watching that glory as it grew;
For, leaf by leaf and flower by flower,
The lilies opened from that hour.

And soon the gloomy Mere was sown
With oiled leaves and stars of white;
The trumpet of the wind was blown
Far overhead, from height to height,
And lo! the Mere, from day to day,
Grew starry as the Milky Way.

I could not bear to dwell apart
With so divine and bright a thing;
I felt the dark depths of my heart
Were stirring, trembling, wakening',
I watched the Mere, and saw it shine,
E'en as the eye of God on mine.

As one that riseth in his tomb,
I rose and wept in soul's distress;
I had not fear'd His wrath and gloom;
But now I fear'd His loveliness.
I craved for peace from God, and then
Crept back and made my peace with men!