Jim's Translation

Couldn't speak of nothin' smart--no one strong or spry--
'Thout old Talleyrand B. Beals to grab right in an' lie!
All the thing he'd talk about was chap by name of Jim,
Ev'ry story that he told was sort of hung round him.
--Said the critter'd worked for him twenty years before,
--Yarn at last it got to be the by-word down t' th' store,
When we'd hear of biggish things, "That," we'd say, "I swan,
Beats tophet, taxes, time an' tide an' Bealses' hired man."
Beals, though, clacked right on an' on; would set an' chaw an' spit,
An' tell us'bout that hired man--couldn't make him quit!
Champyun jump or heft or swim-- 'twas all the same to him,
He'd wait till all the rest had shot, then plug the mark with Jim.
Had to laugh the other day--boys were down t' th' store,
Talleyrand got started in--the dratted, deef old bore!
Silas Erskine's boy spoke up--that's Ez; wal,
Ez says he,
"Say, Tal, what ever come o' Jim?" Old
Beals uncrossed his knee,
Said he, "A master cur'us chap, that Jim was,
I must say,
--Seemed to like us fine as silk, but off he went one day,
--Went right off without a yip--didn't take his clothes;
Hank'rin' struck him all to once--couldn't wait, don't s'pose.
Didn't even take his pay, which was some surprise,
--Prob'ly, though, a lord or dook, trav'lin' in disguise."
Beals he stopped an' gnawed his plug; chawed an' chawed a while,
Then Ben Haskell hitched around an' smole a sing'lar smile.
"Told that hired man," said he, "I'd never let it out,
Guess I'd better tell it, though, an' settle all this doubt.
Want to say right here an' now, to back up
Beals," says Ben,
"His Jim did sartin wear the crown amongst all hired men."
S'prised us all when Ben said that,'cause he us'al planned
All the hector, tricks an' jokes't were put on
Talleyrand.
Ben, though, kept right on his talk. Ben says, then says he,
"Here's the secret how he went for I'm the man that see.
Happened down in Allen's field day he disappeared,
Jim came'crost the intervale; straight as H he steered
To'ards that silver popple tree; up that tree he dim',
--Set there, sort o' lost in thought, a-straddle of a limb.
Jest as I'd got underneath he sighed an' took a piece
Of mutton taller--give his boots a heavy co't of grease,
Greased his fingers nice an' slick an' then--an' then, I swear,
Grabbed them boot-straps, give a pull an' up he went in air."
--Ought to heered us critters laugh--gre't big
"Haw, haw, haw-w-!"
Jason Britt he dropped his teeth, Erskine gulped his chaw,
Talleyrand jest set there grum--fin'ly snorted
"Sho!
Think ye're smart, ye pesky fool! Lemme tell ye, though,
'Tain't so thund'rin' big a stretch ye made then when ye lied,
Bet ye Jim could lift himself, providin' he had tried.
Stout? I see'd him boost a rock--" "Minit,
Tal," says Ben,
"Hain't got done my story yit! Jest ye wait till then.
--Soon's I see'd that critter start, hollered loud's a loon,
'Jeero cris'mus, Jim,' said I, 'startin' for the moon?'
Jim looked down an' said, says he, 'Don't know where I'll fetch,
Ner care a rap so long's I dodge old Beals, the mean old wretch!
Trouble is, consarn his soul, his feed has been so slim
I've fell away till northen's left'cept clothes an' name o' Jim.
Reckin then I'll h'ist myself,'cause, ye see, I've found
It's blame sight easier raisin' up than holdin' to the ground.'
"Then he give them straps a tug an' up he went from sight,
--Stood an' watched him till he growed to jest a leetle mite!
He's the champyun hired man, sartin sure, because
Critter went to Paradise, prob'ly jest's he was."
Talleyrand he got so mad he actyal wouldn't speak,
Didn't come t' th' store agin for more'n a solid week. .
Soon's he edged around some more wa'n't no talk from him
'Bout no hired men, you bet! Clack was shet on Jim.