The Worst Teacher

That teacher was the worst we ever tackled,
He warnt so very tall, and he was light.
--It is best to lay your egg before you've cackled,
Though we never had a notion he could fight.
He acted sort of meechin' when he opened up the school,
--We sort of got the notion he was "It"-- and we tagged gool,
We gave him lots of jolly in a free and easy way,
And showed him how we handled guys as got to acting gay.
We showed him where the other one had torn away the door
When we lugged him out and dumped him in the snow the year before.
And soon's we thought we'd scared him, we sat and chawed and spit,
And kind o' thought we'd run the school--concludin' he was "It."
It worked along in that way, sir, till Friday afternoon.
--We hadn't lugged him out that week, but
'lowed to do it soon.
That Friday,'long about three o'clock, he said there'd be recess,
And said, "The smaller kids and girls can go for good, I guess."
And he mentioned smooth and smily, but with kind of greenish eyes,
That the big boys were requested to remain for exercise.
And when he called us in again he up and locked the door,
Shucked off his co't and weskit, took the middle of the floor,
And talked about gymnastys in a quiet little speech,
--Then he made a pass at Haskell, who was nearest one in reach.
'Twas hot and stiff and sudden and it took him on the jaw,
And that was all the exercise the Haskell feller saw.
Then jumpin' over Haskell's seat, he sauntered up the aisle,
A-hittin' right and hittin' left and wearin' that same smile.
And when a feller started up and tried to hit him back,
'Twas slipper-slapper, whacko-cracker, whangobango-crack!!
And never, sir, in all your life, did you see flippers whiz
In such a blame, chain-lightnin' style as them
'ere hands of his.
And though we hit and though we dodged--or rushed by twos and threes,
He simply strolled around that room and licked us all with ease.
And when the thing was nicely done, he dumped us in the yard,
He clicked the padlock on the door and passed us all a card.
And this was what was printed there: "Professor Joseph Tate,
Athletics made a specialty and champion middleweight."
That teacher was the worst we ever tackled,
He warn't so very tall and he was light.
--It is best to lay your egg before you've cackled,
Though we never had a notion he could fight.