Scala Amoris

She cannot lay this charge to me,—
I loved her not right heartily.
The truth of that hath been too clearly shown,
She needs must own.
It brought me oft to such a plight,
I'd give my friends "good-morrow" when the night
Was drawing near.
I was so lost in thoughts of her
That sometimes to such witlessness I came,
I would not hear them when they spoke my name.

And now my heart is sad and sore
To give that ancient struggle o'er,
To win the fairest lady that I know.
Where'er I go,
I needs must serve her truly still.
I think, whene'er it is not 'gainst God's will,
How sweet she is.
I pray that He forgive me this!
Yet, if the guilt of it I needs must bear,
Why did He fashion her so wondrous fair?

I still have had a bitter strife
With grievous sorrows all my life.
A dear delight, whereon my heart was set,
Would never let
My mind in wisdom's track be bent.
'Twas love, and many men there be lament
A fate like mine.
But now to God will I incline,
For He can help us out of every woe.
How near his death may be no man can know.

I served a lady long, and she
Would give no recompense to me.
Of her I speak no word that is not good,
Save that her mood
Hath toward me been too merciless.
Methought I had escaped from my distress,
When I did place
My hopes of bliss upon her grace.
Alas, no grace from her could I procure!
Now I'll serve One whose recompense is sure.

Thro' love I met with grief and pain,
Yet nothing in return could gain.
And yet, whatever I suffered for love's sake,
I never spake
Nor shall speak aught that is not good
Of her and of the whole of womanhood.
This is my wrong,—
To have forgotten God so long.
Henceforth I'll hold Him high above them all,
And after Him give them my heart in thrall.