The Adventurer

My word! I'm the chap for adventures!
There's nothing on earth I can't do,
From dabbling in doubtful debentures
To paddling a birch-bark canoe!
At golf, when I get into trouble,
How 'dead' my approaches are laid!
At bridge, how I dauntlessly double
Each spade!
While as for lawn-tennis, there never was yet
A player who volleyed so hard at the net!

At chess I've invented a gambit
That fills my opponents with dread;
At billiards I don't care a d---- bit
How often I pocket the red!
In water I swim like a salmon,
At football I kick all the goals;
I'm simply first-class at backgammon
Or bowls,
And, really, I'm equally deft and adroit
When I'm handling a mallet or pitching a quoit!

And now for employment I hanker
Where gifts such as mine are of use;
(A character, backed by my banker,
I'm only too glad to produce).
A life of adventure that's brimming
With badminton, bridge, and canoes,
With simple mechanics and swimming,
I'd choose----
A life for a man who's 'well up in finance,'
With a sprinkling of sport and a dash of romance!