Prologue to Falstaff's Weding, a Comedy

A La Mercure, equipp'd from top to toe,
My godship's name and quality you know:
Commission'd from Apollo, I come down
T' attend this bench of justices, the town;
Assembled here, all members of the quorum;
To lay a matter of complaint before 'em.

The errand's not in character, 'tis true;
But what our betters bid us, we must do
Therefore, t'appear with decency at session,
I've stole, you see, the garb of the profession.
This gown and band belong to serjeant Prig—
And this—our brother Puzzle's learned wig— Putting on the gown, &c.
Dress makes the man, sirs, vestis virum facit—
So—now to business—Hem!—si vestris placet—
May't please your worships—Forgery, which is grown
To such a height as ne'er before was known—
I say, a forgery hath been committed,
By which king Pluto's mirmidons, outwitted,
Certain choice spirits, in theatric shape,
Have suffer'd from Elysium to escape;
Of Shakespeare's offspring an ideal train,
Sprung, Pallas like, from an immortal brain!
Their names—I have 'em down—but, to be brief,
Shall only just recapitulate the chief.
Imprimis, with madeira swell'd, and sack,
There's Sir John Falstaff, alias call'd Plump Jack;
Next, captain Pislol, a notorious bully;
And miss Dol Tearsheet, fam'd for jilting cully;
The widow Quickly, vintner, bawd and whore,
With Bardolph, Peto, Nym and several more;
Link'd in a gang, each cut-purse with his crony,
All arrant thieves, and dramatis personae;
Bent, as suppos'd, to prostitute to shame
Th' aforesaid Shakespeare's honour, name and fame.

I shall not trespass on your worships' time,
T' explain at full the nature of their crime:
But, poets having an exclusive right
To bring their mental progeny to light,
This right's invaded by the party 'peach'd;
Who, vi et armis, hath th' old bard o'er-reach'd:
By counterfeiting of his hand, do you see,
Feloniously to set these vagrants free;
With base design t'adopt them for his own,
Tho' Shakespeare's property, and his alone.
Such is the fact.— A critic were an ass,
No doubt, to let such imposition pass;
Nor could a cheat, so palpable succeed,
But that the captain, of the guard cou'dn't read—
Not he, for laughing, tho' to've sav'd his soul;
The scene and circumstances were so droll.

Pistol, with yellow night-cap patch'd with red.
With mother Quickly was retir'd to bed;
And, waking, swore, by Styx, he would not come,
Sans preparation, pike and beat of drum.

Of aqua-vitae having stole a flaggon,
Bardolph and Nym were playing at snap-dragon;
Sometimes proceeding from hard words'to blows,
As by mistake Nym seiz'd on Bardoph's nose.

With Falstaff sat Dol Tearsheet, cheek by joll,
And while she buss'd his chin and scratch'd his poll,
Slipp'd from his thumb his grandfire's copper ring,
For love, not for the value, of the thing;
Then stole his empty purse: but no abuse;
'Twas only done to keep her hand in use:
He swearing, he'd be damn'd as soon as trust his
Round belly more with Hall, or his chief justice.

But this is wandering from the point.—They're here,
And on your summons ready to appear:
Please to proceed then to examination;
And be attentive to their information.
If, as your judgment cannot be erroneous,
You take this forgery to be felonious,
The author meaning fraud, I need not mention
Your issuing warrants for his apprehension.
And when you've caught and into peices tore him,
Hang up his mangled carcase in terrorem:
In f[...]agrant crimes the process should be short:
The law is clear.—I leave it with the court.