On an Old Muff

Time has a magic wand!
What is this meets my hand,
Moth-eaten, mouldy, and
Covered with fluff?
Faded, and stiff, and scant;
Can it be? no, it can't--
Yes,--I declare 'tis Aunt
Prudence's Muff!

Years ago--twenty-three!
Old Uncle Barnaby
Gave it to Aunty P.--
Laughing and teasing--
"Pru., of the breezy curls,
Whisper these solemn churls,
What holds a pretty girl's
Hand without squeezing?"

Uncle was then a lad
Gay, but, I grieve to add,
Sinful: if smoking bad
Baccy's a vice:
Glossy was then this mink
Muff, lined with pretty pink
Satin, which maidens think
"Awfully nice!"

I see, in retrospect,
Aunt, in her best bedecked,
Gliding, with mien erect,
Gravely to Meeting:
Psalm-book, and kerchief new,
Peeped from the muff of Pru.--
Young men--and pious too--
Giving her greeting.

Pure was the life she led
Then--from this Muff, 'tis said,
Tracts she distributed:--
Scapegraces many,
Seeing the grace they lacked,
Followed her--one, in fact,
Asked for--and got his tract
Oftener than any.

Love has a potent spell!
Soon this bold Ne'er-do-well,
Aunt's sweet susceptible
Heart undermining,
Slipped, so the scandal runs,
Notes in the pretty nun's
Muff--triple-cornered ones--
Pink as its lining!

Worse even, soon the jade
Fled (to oblige her blade!)
Whilst her friends thought that they'd
Locked her up tightly:
After such shocking games
Aunt is of wedded dames
Gayest--and now her name's
Mrs. Golightly.

In female conduct flaw
Sadder I never saw,
Still I've faith in the law
Of compensation.
Once Uncle went astray--
Smoked, joked, and swore away--
Sworn by, he's now, by a
Large congregation!

Changed is the Child of Sin,
Now he's (he once was thin)
Grave, with a double chin,--
Blest be his fat form!
Changed is the garb he wore,--
Preacher was never more
Prized than is Uncle for
Pulpit or platform.

If all's as best befits
Mortals of slender wits,
Then beg this Muff, and its
Fair Owner pardon:
All's for the best,--indeed
Such is my simple creed--
Still I must go and weed
Hard in my garden.