Psalms of the Brethren CCXV: Sappadasa

Full five and twenty years have passed since I
Had left the world and in the Order lived,
And yet not for one fingersnap of time
Had I found peace [and sanity] of mind.

Intent and single vision ne’er I won,
Distraught and harassed by desires of sense;
In tears, wringing my hands, I left the lodge.

Nay now I’ll take a knife or else — For what
Is life to me? And how can such as I,
Who by my life the training have denied,
Do better than set term to it and die?

So then I came and with a razor sat me down
Upon my couch. And now the blade was drawn
Across my throat to cut the artery. . . .

Attention to the fact and to the cause.
The misery of it all was manifest;
Distaste, indifference the mind possessed,

And so my heart was set at liberty!
O see the seemly order of the Norm!
The Threefold Wisdom have I made my own,
And all the Buddha bids us do is done.