Book XII, Chapter 77

AFaire young wife of Lyncolne-Shire (if say our Author truth)
In traueling to London-wards, squir'd of a clownish youth,
Was by a Yorke-Shire Gentleman ore-taken, & together
This Cocke of game, and Henne (as he supposed) of that Feather,
Doe iourney on: And, liking her, when words of course had past,
And nodding pricked on before her Seruing Creature fast,
He thus began. Faire Mistresse, since our Trauell lies one way,
If so you please, one Inne, one Boord, (and I for all will pay)
May serue vs both: I also was about, one Bead, to say.
The Gentlewoman (formally then modest) blushing, sayd,
For Inne, add Boord, as pleaseth you: And so her Answer staide,
But would you add the Third, quoth he, more would it please in deede.
What that you pay for al? quoth she, nay, so weare more than neede.
Tush, that (And yeat best Orators to Women knew he Gifts,
And therefore named, Pay, as if by chance, to edge his drifts)
Was out, quoth he, at vn awares: I also named, Bead.
You said you were about, quoth she, which still let goe for dead.
Thus off and on they dialogue best part of all that daye:
He could not win her to consent, nor would he take a naye:
For long a goe the Calendar of Women-Saints was filde,
Fewe not to Opportunitie, importunated, yeild,
Thinks this our Northerne wilie Ladde, hartie, and hardie too,
Who neuer would giue-out: nor more, than thus, yeelds she to doe,
That is, to bead: he swearing but to kisse, and her imbrace.
Then merrily for Huntington they mend their former pace.

Alighted theare, for Supper he bespeakes the dantiest Cheere,
And either in one Gallerie had Chambers, somewhat neere.
Betwixt their Chambers placed was a Southerne Gentleman,
That by officious Signes twix't them to sound their Match began.
Her extraordinary Forme, on worke the rather sets
His heart, and Senses (such an hand of vs such Bewtie gets.)
Resolu'd at last of what was meant, and how therein to deale,
This Smel-feast from the bidden Guest, did thus the Banquer steale.
He gaue it out, that all might heare, he earely would away,
His Man fayn'd feare to ouer-sleepe, and would not downe him laye:
But, when that all besides betooke themselues to sleepe and rest,
One while he walkes the Gallerie, another while he drest
His rustie Sword, which badly did the Northern-man disgest.
In vaine he chaste, in vaine he wisht the Seruing-man were gon:
Nor durst he out to boord his Loue (for much it stood vpon
Their Credits to be cautilous.) The Southern-man, this while,
Got to the Gentle-womans bed, and did (no force) beguile
Her Expectation: Swore you not? quoth she, and he did smile.
But, had he bin the Man forsworne, if God forgaue the Sin,
She pardon'd him the quo advi that he had trespast in,
And, for that Nights work, swore to sweare no Man frō like, I win.
This Chaer thus chaer'd, as closely as he went returnes he backe
Vnto his proper Bed, nor long he sleepes ere thence he packe.
No sooner cleered was the Coast, but that the bidden Guest
Steales to her Chamber doore, then lock't, (for now she means to rest.)
A male-Content retireth he, not dreaming what had bin,
But better Opportunitie hopes at their next-nights Inn.
Next Morne they meete, when, blushingly (but angrie not a whit)
Ha Sir, quoth she, I'le trust againe your Oth, so kept you it.
Well, bite, and whine (quoth he) who trusts a Woman so is saru'd.
First museth she, then iests it out, soone finding how was swaru'd.
But thus the Northern-man did faile, that did no cost omit,
And thus the Southern-man preuail'd, at charge no more then Wit.
The best is yet behind, but ere be told the Storie out,
Amongst our Louers, now at Rome, heare how was brought about.

AT Rome is Mandeuil ariu'd, Stafford and he are met,
To say their Greeting, for the much, were here too long a Let.
Of Elenor her health, and more, suppose not Questions few:
For yet full little Mandeuil of her Ariuall knew,
Nor shall, till of his Loyaltie, and life, be further View.
At Staffords Lodging had he seene (as is th'Italian Guies)
Two portly Ladies, Head and Face, all vailed, saue their Eies:
Twixt one of these, and Stafford, much of Kindnes to haue past
Had he obseru'd, and thereupon thus breakes with him at last.
I haue not seene the couer'd Dish, that so your Diet fits,
But much I feare it surfet may, quoth he, your queasie wits:
Needes must I enter now the Lists, to combate Dorcas Foe,
Euen Staffords reason that from Heauen to Hell is posting so.
I will not aske, nor doe I care, what bewtie, wealth, or wit,
Your here-found Mistres hath, why you should home-left Loue forgit:
But this, I know, not Rome affords whome more you might affect
Than her, whome wronged here I see, and more than seene suspect:
And wherein differs Man from Beast, but in Affections checkt?
What, is she married. Then doe yee superlatiuely sinne:
Or Mayde? I like not Maidens that so forwardly beginne:
Or Curtizen? What doth she with a Vaile that is so vile,
As not to blush at shame, but, baer'd, is wonted to beguile?
But Married, Mayde, or Curtizen, or what you please her name,
I like not him makes loue to one, and wrongs the very same.
I tell thee, Stafford, be she good, or bad, thou here doest courte,
Thee I pronounce too bad, yt with fore-plighted Loue do'est spourte.
Let it suffice my Friendship hates Absurdities in thee:
Farre be it Trauelers should play the Spyder, not the Bee.
I would thy courted Lady here, and her Consorte, heard this:
(A needles wish, next Roome weare both, and ouer heard he is)
Then should they heare thee false to one, a Choyser is not heere,
And, fearing like, suspect thy Loue, of Precontracts not cleere:
Or falsed Matches, finished in wrong of Others, might,
By stil improsprous Presidents, detetre from wronging Right.
To honest Eares might this suffice to interrupt herein,
Or spoke I vnto Harlots, this at least from Lust should win:
Al Touch-sweet, Tast-sweet, Eye-sweet, Eat-sweet, Sent-sweet, Soulesweet, is
A vertuous Match, but vitious Loue in al contraries this.

Suppose this firme and naked Loue, and Friendship, much to please
His Auditorie, seene, and not, and Stafford, to appease
His Discontent, pretends a soone Returne for England thence,
And so this Parlie ended, and on either part Offence.
Stafford had said to Mandeuil, that Elenor, to trie
Whether his Loue did not with time, new Loues, and Trauell die,
Required backe the Ring she gaue, which if he could her send,
She would beleeue him loyall, and requite it in the end.
That Ring, in this Regarde, did he commend to Stafford now,
And, saue to her, he giue the same to none exacts a Vowe.
The next third following day was fayn'd the time he wold frō thence,
Whome to accompanie on his way had Mandeuil pretence:
Wherfore they feast their Friends, & thē their Friends, amōg'st the rest,
Vnknowne of him, was Elenor with Mandekil a Guest.
Such Arte she vs'd, and such Attier she wore, and who would looke
For her at Rome? that present her not for herselfe he tooke.
Vpon her Finger he espide his Ring, deliuer'd earst,
Yeat silently deuoures the Greefe, that to his Soule had pear'st.

He, and the rest, inuited weare to sup abroad that Night:
Night, Guests, and Suppers ende are come, when (greeued though in Spright
He, to recouer backe his Ring, did vse this clenly sleight:
In one had he a Mommerie deuised and a Maske,
And euery masking Mommer tooke a Lady to his taske,
He her, with whome he had espyde his Ring, and Dauncing donn[…],
To looke, as if for somewhat lost, to ground-wards he begonne.
Was ask't what myste, he whispers her, that he had lost a Ring,
Which wanting in each Mommers Mouth, was made a penall thing:
Faire Lady, lend me this, quoth he, that on your finger is,
And (giuing her a Tablet rich) for Gage accept of this.
Her Courtesie, his colour'd Want, and Gage, effected so,
That she, the Pawne accepted, did her loned Ring forgoe.
Now on the Boord weare cast the Dice, her turne was come to play,
Which Opportunitie takes he, and shifts him thence away.
Nor knew she him, nor her knew he, for her she was indeede:
But thus he spead his purpose, and of this did thus proceede:
Which, eare we shal reporte, insewes our Iests Remayne to reede.