Lines 115–259

FIRST WOMAN.
Maybe so.
Still inexperience is a serious matter.

PRAXAGORA.
And is not that the very reason why
We’ve met together to rehearse the scene ?
Now do make haste and fasten on your beards,
And all you others who have practised talking.

FIRST WOMAN.
Practised, indeed! can’t every woman talk?

PRAXAGORA.
Come, fasten on your beard, and be a man.
I’ll lay these chaplets down, and do the same.
Maybe I’ll make a little speech myself.

SECOND WOMAN.
O, here, sweet love, Praxagora : look, child !
O what a merry joke this seems to me !

PRAXAGORA.
Joke! where’s the joke?

SECOND WOMAN.
’Tis just as if we tied
A shaggy beard to toasting cuttlefish.

PRAXAGORA.
Now, Purifier, carry round the — cat.
Come in! Ariphrades, don’t chatter so.
Come in, sit down. Who will address the meeting?

FIRST WOMAN.
I.

PRAXAGORA.
Wear this chaplet then, and luck be with you.

FIRST WOMAN.
There.

PRAXAGORA.
Speak away.

FIRST WOMAN.
What, speak before I drink ?

PRAXAGORA.
Just listen. Drink!

FIRST WOMAN.
Then what’s this chaplet for ?

PRAXAGORA.
O get away. Is this what you’d have done
Amongst the men ?

FIRST WOMAN.
What, don’t men drink at meetings ?

PRAXAGORA.
Drink, fool ?

FIRST WOMAN.
By Artemis, I know they do,
And strong drink too. Look at the acts they pass.
Do you mean to tell me that they’d pass such nonsense
If they weren’t drunk?? Besides, they pour libations.
Or what’s the meaning of those tedious prayers?
Unless they’d got some wine, I’d like to know.
Besides, they quarrel just like drunken men,
And when one drinks too much, and gets too noisy,
In come the Archer-boys,’ and run him out.

PRAXAGORA.
Begone and sit you down, for you’re no good.

FIRST WOMAN.
Good lack, I wish I’d never worn a beard ;
I’m parched to death with thirst, I really am.

PRAXAGORA.
Would any other like to speak ?

SECOND WOMAN.
Yes, I.

PRAXAGORA.
Put on this chaplet and be quick. Time presses.
Now lean your weight upon your walking-stick,
And speak your words out manfully and well.

SECOND WOMAN.
I could have wished some more experienced man
Had risen to speak, while I sat still and listened.
But now I say I’ll not permit, for one,
That in their taverns men should make them tanks
Of water. ’Tis not proper, by the Twain.

PRAXAGORA.
How! by the Twain? Girl, have you lost your wits ?

SECOND WOMAN.
Why, what’s amiss? I never asked for drink.

PRAXAGORA.
You are a man, and yet invoked the Twain.
All else you said was excellently right.

SECOND WOMAN.
O yes, by Apollo! ;

PRAXAGORA.
Mind then, I won’t move
Another step in this Assembly business,
Unless you are strict and accurate in this.

SECOND WOMAN.
Give me the chaplet, and I’ll try again.
I’ve thought of something very good to say.
In my opinion, O assembled women,

PRAXAGORA.
O monstrous ! women, idiot, when they’re MEN?

SECOND WOMAN.
’Twas all Epigonus : he caught my eye
And so, methought ’twas women I harangued.

PRAXAGORA.
You, too, retire and sit you down again,
For I myself will wear the chaplet now
Your cause to further: and I pray the gods
That I may haply prosper our design.
I have, my friends, an equal stake with you
In this our country, and I grieve to note
The sad condition of the State’s affairs.
I see the State employing evermore
Unworthy ministers ; if one do well
A single day, he’ll act amiss for ten.
You trust another: he’ll be ten times worse.
Hard, hard it is to counsel wayward men,
Always mistrusting those who love you best,
And paying court to those who love you not.
There was a time, my friends, we never came
To these Assemblies ; then we knew full well
Agyrrhius was a rogue : we come here now,
And he who gets the cash applauds the man,
And he who gets it not, protests that they
Who come for payment ought to die the death.

FIRST WOMAN.
By Aphrodite now, but that’s well said !

PRAXAGORA.
Heavens! Aphrodite! ’Twere a pleasant jest,
If in the Assembly you should praise me so !

FIRST WOMAN.
Ah, but I won’t.

PRAXAGORA.
Then don’t acquire the habit.
This League again, when first we talked it over,
It seemed the only thing to save the State.
Yet when they’d got it, they disliked it. He
Who pushed it through was forced to cut and run.
Ships must be launched ; the poor men all approve,
The wealthy men and farmers disapprove.
You used to hate Corinthians, and they you ;
They are friendly now : do you be friendly too.
Argeius was a fool : now Jerome’s wise.
Safety just showed her face : but Thrasybulus,f
No more called in, is quite excluded now.

FIRST WOMAN.
Here’s a shrewd man !

PRAXAGORA.
Ah, now you praise me rightly
Ye are to blame for this, Athenian people,
Ye draw your wages from the public purse,
Yet each man seeks his private gain alone.
So the State reels, like any Aesimus.
Still, if ye trust me, ye shall yet be saved.
I move that now the womankind be asked
To rule the State. In our own homes, ye know,
They are the managers and rule the house.

FIRST WOMAN.
O good, good, good ! speak on, speak on, dear man

PRAXAGORA.
That they are better in their ways than we
I’ll soon convince you. First, they dye their wools
With boiling tinctures, in the ancient style.
You won’t find them, I warrant, in a hurry
Trying new plans. And would it not have saved
The Athenian city had she let alone
Things that worked well,nor idly sought things new?
They roast their barley, sitting, as of old :
They on their heads bear burdens, as of old :
They keep their Thesmophoria, as of old :
They bake their honied cheesecakes, as of old ;
They victimize their husbands, as of old :
They still secrete their lovers, as of old :
They buy themselves sly dainties, as of old :
They love their wine unwatered, as of old :
They like a woman’s pleasures, as of old :
Then let us, gentlemen, give up to them
The helm of State, and not concern ourselves,
Nor pry, nor question what they mean to do ;
But let them really govern, knowing this,
The statesman-mothers never will neglect
Their soldier-sons. And then a soldier’s rations,
Who will supply as well as she who bare him ?
For ways and means none can excel a woman.
And there’s no fear at all that they’ll be cheated
When they’re in power, for they’re the cheats themselves.
Much I omit. But if you pass my motion,
You’ll lead the happiest lives that e’er you dreamed of.

FIRST WOMAN.
O, good! Praxagora. Well done, sweet wench.
However did you learn to speak so finely ?

PRAXAGORA.
I and my husband in the general flight
Lodged in the Pnyx, and there I heard the speakers.

FIRST WOMAN.
Ah, you were clever to some purpose, dear.
And if you now succeed in your designs
We’ll then and there proclaim you chieftainess.
But what if Cephalus, ill fare, insult you,
How will you answer him in full Assembly ?

PRAXAGORA.
I’ll say he’s frenzied.

FIRST WOMAN.
True enough ; but all
The world know that.

PRAXAGORA.
I’ll say he’s moody-mad.

FIRST WOMAN.
They know that too.

PRAXAGORA.
That he’s more fit to tinker
The constitution than his pots and pans.

FIRST WOMAN.
If Neocleides, blear-eyed oaf, insult you ?

PRAXAGORA.
Peep at a puppy’s tail, my lad, quoth I.

FIRST WOMAN.
What if they interrupt ?

PRAXAGORA.
I’ll meet them there,
I’m quite accustomed to that sort of thing.

FIRST WOMAN.
O but suppose the archers hale you off,
What will you do?

PRAXAGORA.
Stick out my elbows, so.
They shan’t seize me, the varlets, round my waist.