Lines 1–122

CARIO.
How hard it is, O Zeus and all ye Gods,
To be the slave of a demented master!
For though the servant give the best advice,
Yet if his owner otherwise decide,
The servant needs must share the ill results.
For a man’s body, such is fate, belongs
Not to himself, but to whoe’er has bought it.
So much for that. But now with Loxias,
Who from his golden tripod chants his high
Oracular strains, I’ve got a bone to pick.
A wise Physician-seer they call him, yet
He has sent my master off so moody-mad,
That now he’s following a poor blind old man,
Just the reverse of what he ought to do.
For we who see should go before the blind,
But he goes after (and constrains me too)
One who won’t answer even with a gr-r-r.
I won’t keep silence, master, no I won’t,
Unless you tell me why you’re following him.
I’ll plague you, Sir; I know you won’t chastise me
So long as I’ve this sacred chaplet on.

CHREMYLUS.
I’ll pluck it off, that you may smart the more,
If you keep bothering.

CARIO.
Humbug! I won’t stop
Until you have told me who the fellow is.
You know I ask it out of love for you.

CHREMYLUS.
I’ll tell you, for of all my servants you
I count the truest and most constant—thief.
—I’ve been a virtuous and religious man
Yet always poor and luckless.

CARIO.
So you have.

CHREMYLUS.
While Temple-breakers, orators, informers,
And knaves grow rich and prosper.

CARIO.
So they do.

CHREMYLUS.
So then I went to question of the God—
Not for myself, the quiver of my life
Is well-nigh emptied of its arrows now,—
But for my son, my only son, to ask
If, changing all his habits, he should turn
A rogue, dishonest, rotten to the core.
For such as they, methinks, succeed the best.

CARIO.
And what droned Phoebus from his wreaths of bay?

CHREMYLUS.
He told me plainly that with whomsoe’er
I first forgathered as I left the shrine,
Of him I never should leave go again,
But win him back, in friendship, to my home.

CARIO.
With whom then did you first forgather?

CHREMYLUS.
Him.

CARIO.
And can’t you see the meaning of the God,
You ignoramus, who so plainly tells you
Your son should follow the prevailing fashion?

CHREMYLUS.
Why think you that?

CARIO.
He means that even the blind
Can see ’tis better for our present life
To be a rascal, rotten to the core.

CHREMYLUS.
’Tis not that way the oracle inclines,
It cannot be. ’Tis something more than that.
Now if this fellow told us who he is,
And why and wherefore he has come here now,
We’d soon discover what the God intended.

CARIO.
[To Wealth] Hallo, you sirrah, tell me who you are,
Or take the consequence! Out with it, quick!

WEALTH.
Go and be hanged!

CARIO.
O master, did you hear
The name he gave?

CHREMYLUS.
’Twas meant for you, not me.
You ask in such a rude and vulgar way.
[To Wealth] Friend, if you love an honest gentleman,
Tell me your name.

WEALTH.
Get out, you vagabond!

CARIO.
O! O! Accept the omen, and the man.

CHREMYLUS.
O, by Demeter, you shall smart for this.
Answer this instant or you die the death.

WEALTH.
Men, men, depart and leave me.

CHREMYLUS.
Wouldn’t you like it?

CARIO.
O master, what I say is far the best:
I’ll make him die a miserable death.
I’ll set him on some precipice, and leave him,
So then he’ll topple down and break his neck.

CHREMYLUS.
Up with him!

WEALTH.
O pray don’t.

CHREMYLUS.
Do you mean to answer?

WEALTH.
And if I do, I’m absolutely sure
You’ll treat me ill: you’ll never let me go,

CHREMYLUS.
I vow we will, at least if you desire it.

WEALTH.
Then first unhand me.

CHREMYLUS.
There, we both unhand you.

WEALTH.
Then listen, both: for I, it seems, must needs
Reveal the secret I proposed to keep.
Know then, I’m Wealth!

CHREMYLUS.
You most abominable
Of all mankind, you, Wealth, and keep it snug!

CARIO.
You, Wealth, in such a miserable plight!

CHREMYLUS.
O King Apollo! O ye Gods and daemons!
O Zeus! what mean you? are you really he?

WEALTH.
I am.

CHREMYLUS.
Himself?

WEALTH.
His own self’s self.

CHREMYLUS.
Whence come you
So grimed with dirt?

WEALTH.
From Patrocles’s house,
A man who never washed in all his life.

CHREMYLUS.
And this, your sad affliction, how came this?

WEALTH.
’Twas Zeus that caused it, jealous of mankind.
For, when a little chap, I used to brag
I’d visit none except the wise and good
And orderly; he therefore made me blind,
That I might ne’er distinguish which was which,
So jealous is he always of the good!

CHREMYLUS.
And yet ’tis only from the just and good
His worship comes.

WEALTH.
I grant you that.

CHREMYLUS.
Then tell me,
If you could see again as once you could,
Would you avoid the wicked?

WEALTH.
Yes, I would.

CHREMYLUS.
And visit all the good?

WEALTH.
Yes; more by token
I have not seen the good for many a day.

CHREMYLUS.
No more have I, although I’ve got my eyes.

WEALTH.
Come, let me go; you know my story now.

CHREMYLUS.
And therefore, truly, hold we on the more.

WEALTH.
I told you so: you vowed you’d let me go.
I knew you wouldn’t.

CHREMYLUS.
O be guided, pray,
And don’t desert me. Search where’er you will
You’ll never find a better man than I.

CARIO.
No more there is, by Zeus—except myself.

WEALTH.
They all say that; but when in sober earnest
They find they’ve got me, and are wealthy men,
They place no limit on their evil ways.

CHREMYLUS.
Too true! And yet not every one is bad.

WEALTH.
Yes, every single one.

CARIO.
[Aside] You’ll smart for that.

CHREMYLUS.
Nay, nay, but hear what benefits you’ll get
If you’re persuaded to abide with us.
For well I trust,—I trust, with God to aid,
That I shall rid you of this eye-disease,
And make you see.

WEALTH.
For mercy’s sake, forbear.
I do not wish to see again.

CHREMYLUS.
Eh? what?

CARIO.
O why, the man’s a born unfortunate!

WEALTH.
Let Zeus but hear their follies, and I know
He’ll pay me out.

CHREMYLUS.
And doesn’t he do that now;
Letting you wander stumbling through the world?