Act IV, Scene III

DICCON.
Good even, dame Chat, in faith, and well-met in this place!

CHAT.
Good even, my friend Diccon; whither walk ye this pace?

DICCON.
By my truth, even to you, to learn how the world goeth.
Heard ye no more of the other matter? say me now, by your troth!

CHAT.
O yes, Diccon, hear the old whore and Hodge, that great knave--
But, in faith, I would thou hadst seen--O Lord, I drest them brave!
She bare me two or three souses behind in the nape of the neck,
Till I made her old weasand to answer again, "keck!"
And Hodge, that dirty dastard, that at her elbow stands--
If one pair of legs had not been worth two pair of hands,
He had had his beard shaven if my nails would have served,
And not without a cause, for the knave is well deserved.

DICCON.
By the mass, I can thee thank, wench, thou didst so well
acquit thee!

CHAT.
And th' adst seen him, Diccon, it would have made thee beshit
thee
For laughter. The whoreson dolt at last caught up a club,
As though he would have slain the master-devil, Belsabub.
But I set him soon inward.

DICCON.
O Lord, there is the thing!
That Hodge is so offended! that makes him start and fling!

CHAT.
Why? makes the knave any moiling, as ye have seen or heard?

DICCON.
Even now I saw him last, like a mad man he far'd,
And sware by heaven and hell he would a-wreak his sorrow,
And leave you never a hen alive by eight of the clock to-morrow;
Therefore mark what I say, and my words see that ye trust.
Your hens be as good as dead, if ye leave them on the roost.

CHAT.
The knave dare as well go hang himself, as go upon my ground.

DICCON.
Well, yet take heed, I say, I must tell you my tale round.
Have you not about your house, behind your furnace or lead
A hole where a crafty knave may creep in for need?

CHAT.
Yes, by the mass, a hole broke down, even within these two
days.

DICCON.
Hodge, he intends this same night to slip in thereaways.

CHAT.
O Christ! that I were sure of it! in faith, he should have
his meed!

DICCON.
Watch well, for the knave will be there as sure as is your
creed.
I would spend myself a shilling to have him swinged well.

CHAT.
I am as glad as a woman can be of this thing to hear tell.
By Gog's bones, when he cometh, now that I know the matter,
He shall sure at the first skip to leap in scalding water,
With a worse turn besides; when he will, let him come.

DICCON.
I tell you as my sister; you know what meaneth "mum"!