Act III, Scene II

Enter Menaechmus Sosicles, from the house of Erotium, with the mantle on.

Men. Sos. (speaking to Erotium within). Can't you rest content, if this day I bring it you back in good time, nicely and properly trimmed? I'll cause you to say it isn't itself, so much shall it be disguised.

Pen. (apart). He's carrying the mantle to the embroiderer's, the breakfast finished and the wine drunk up, and the Parasite shut out of doors. By my troth, I'm not the person that I am, if I don't handsomely avenge this injury and myself. 'Tis requisite I should watch * * * * I'll give something.

Men. Sos. (to himself). O ye immortal Gods! on what man ever have you conferred more blessings in one day, who hoped for less? I've been breakfasting, drinking, feasting with a mistress; and I've carried off this mantle, of which she shall no more be owner after this day.

Pen. Isn't he now talking about me, and my share of the repast? I can't well hear what he says.

Men. Sos. (to himself). She says that I secretly gave her this, and that I stole it away from my wife. When I perceived that she was mistaken, at once I began to assent, as though I really had had acquaintanceship with her. Whatever the woman said, the same said I. What need of many words? I was never entertained at less expense.

Pen. (apart). I'll accost the fellow; for I quite long to have a row.

Men. Sos. Who's this that's coming up towards me? (Takes off the mantle, and hides it.)

Pen. What say you, you fellow lighter than a feather, most rascally and most abandoned--you disgraceful man--you cheat, and most worthless fellow? Why have I deserved this of you? For what reason should you ruin me? How you stole yourself away from me just now at the Forum. You've been performing the funeral of the breakfast in my absence. Why did you dare to do so, when I was entitled to it in an equal degree?

Men. Sos. Young man, prithee, what business with me have you, who are thus purposely insulting a person whom you know not? Do you wish a punishment to be given you for your abuse?

Pen. Do be quiet; by my faith, I discover that you've done that already indeed.

Men. Sos. Answer me, young man, I beg; what is your name?

Pen. Are you laughing at me, as well, as though you didn't know my name?

Men. Sos. By my troth, I never saw or knew you, that I'm aware of, before this day; but at all events, whoever you are, if you do what's right, you won't be an annoyance to me.

Pen. Don't you know me? Men. Sos. I shouldn't deny it if I did know you.

Pen. Menaechmus, awake. Men. Sos. I' troth, I really am awake, so far as I know.

Pen. Don't you know your own Parasite?

Men. Sos. Young man, I find that your headpiece isn't sound.

Pen. Answer me; have you not purloined that mantle from your wife to-day, and given it to Erotium?

Men. Sos. I' faith I have no wife, nor have I given the mantle to Erotium, nor have I purloined it.

Pen. Are you really in your senses? * * * * This matter's settled. Did I not see you coming out of doors clad in a mantle?

Men. Sos. Woe to your head. Do you think that all people are effeminate rogues because you are one? Do you declare that I was clothed in a mantle?

Pen. Troth, I really do. Men. Sos. Why don't you go where you are deserving to go, or else request yourself to be atoned for, you downright madman?

Pen. By my troth, never shall any one prevail upon me not to tell your wife the whole matter now, just as it happened. All these insults shall be retorted upon yourself. I'll take care that you shan't have devoured the breakfast unpunished. (He goes into the house of Menaechmus of Epidamnus.)

Men. Sos. What's the meaning of this business? Why, just as I see each person, do they all make fun of me in this way? But the door makes a noise.