Act III, Scene IV

Enter LUCRIO from the Captain's house.

LUCR. Sceledrus is not at leisure.

PAL. Why so?

LUCR. He's fast asleep, gulping.

PAL. How, gulping?

LUCR. He's snoring, 'twas that I meant to say: but, because 'tis very like gulping when you are snoring * * * * * * *

PAL. What! Is Sceledrus asleep in-doors?

LUCR. Not with his nose, in fact; for with that he is calling out loud enough.

PAL. He has taken a cup by stealth; the butler has lately tapped a cask of nardine. Oho! you rascal, you are his deputy-butler. Oho!

LUCR. What do you mean?

PAL. How has he thought fit to go to sleep?

LUCR. With his eyes, I suppose.

PAL. I don't ask you that, you vagabond. Step this way: you're undone now, unless I know the truth. Did you draw the wine for him?

LUCR. I did not draw it.

PAL. Do you deny it?

LUCR. I' faith, I do deny it undoubtedly; for he charged me not to tell. I really didn't just draw for him eight half pints into a pitcher, and, when drawn, he didn't just drink it hot, at his breakfast.

PAL. And you didn't just drink as well?

LUCR. The Gods confound me if I did drink — if I could drink.

PAL. Why so?

LUCR. Because, in fact, I only sipped; for it was too hot; it burnt my throat.

PAL. Some are gloriously drunk, while others are drinking vinegar-water. The cellar's trusted to an honest butler, as well as under-butler.

LUCR. I' faith, you'd be doing the same, if it was entrusted to you. Since you can't follow our example, you are envious now.

PAL. Come, now, did he ever draw any wine before this? Answer me, you rascal. And, that you may understand it, I give you this notice: if you purposely tell me an untruth, you shall be put to the torture.

LUCR. Indeed so? That you may inform, forsooth, that I told you; and then I shall be turned out of my fattening post in the cellar, that you may find another under-butler to draw for your own self.

PAL. On my honour, I will not; come, speak out boldly to me.

LUCR. By my troth, I never saw him draw any. But thus was it; he requested me, and then I drew it.

PAL. Think of that now! very frequently, I guess, the casks were standing on their heads there.

LUCR. No, faith, the casks would, not have stood so very badly there. But there happened to be in the cellar a bit of a slippery spot; a two-pint pot was placed there, near the casks, in this fashion (shows the way). Frequently, that was filled ten times in a day. When the pot acted the reveller, the casks were all tottering.

PAL. Get you gone in-doors. Both of you, I find, are acting the revellers in the wine-cellar. I' faith, I shall fetch my master home just now from the Forum.

LUCR. (aside). I'm ruined. My master, when he comes home, will have me tortured, when he knows of these doings. I' faith, I'll fly somewhither, and put off this punishment to another day. (To the Audience.) Don't you tell him, I do entreat you most earnestly. (He is going.)

PAL. Whither are you betaking yourself?

LUCR. I am sent elsewhere: I'll come back here just now.

PAL. Who has sent you?

LUCR. Philocomasium.

PAL. Go; be back directly.

LUCR. If it is divided, prithee do you only take my share of the punishment while I'm away. (Exit LUCRIO.)