Act V, Scene VII

Enter PYTHIAS from the house of THAIS, laughing.

PYTH. (to herself, on entering.) Never, upon my faith, for a long time past, has any thing happened to me that I could have better liked to happen, than the old gentleman just now, full of his mistake, coming into our house. I had the joke all to myself, as I knew what it was he feared.

PAR. (apart). Why, what’s all this?

PYTH. Now I’m come out to meet with Parmeno. But, prithee, where is he? (Looking around.)

PAR. (apart.) She’s looking for me.

PYTH. And there he is, I see; I’ll go up to him.

PAR. What’s the matter, simpleton? What do you mean? What are you laughing about? Still going on?

PYTH. (laughing.) I’m dying; I’m wretchedly tired with laughing at you.

PAR. Why so?

PYTH. Do you ask? Upon my faith, I never did see, nor shall see, a more silly fellow. Oh dear, I can not well express what amusement you’ve afforded in-doors. And still I formerly took you to be a clever and shrewd person. Why, was there any need for you instantly to believe what I told you? Or were you not content with the crime, which by your advice the young man had been guilty of, without betraying the poor fellow to his father as well? Why, what do you suppose his feelings must have been at the moment when his father saw him clothed in that dress? Well, do you now understand that you are done for? (Laughing.)

PAR. Hah! what is it you say, you hussy? Have you been telling me lies? What, laughing still? Does it appear so delightful to you, you jade, to be making fools of us?

PYTH. (laughing.) Very much so.

PAR. Yes, indeed, if you can do it with impunity.

PYTH. Exactly so.

PAR. By heavens, I’ll repay you!

PYTH. I believe you; but, perhaps, that which you are threatening, Parmeno, will need a future day; you’ll be trussed up directly, for rendering a silly young man remarkable for disgraceful conduct, and then betraying him to his father; they’ll both be making an example of you. (Laughing.)

PAR. I’m done for!

PYTH. This reward has been found you in return for that present of yours; I’m off. (Goes into the house.)

PAR. (to himself.) Wretch that I am; just like a rat, this day I’ve come to destruction through betrayal of myself.