Act III, Scene III

Enter CHREMES and CLITIPHO from the house of the former.

CHREM. Pray, what does this mean? What behavior is this, Clitipho? Is this acting as becomes you?

CLIT. What have I done?

CHREM. Did I not see you just now putting your hand into this Courtesan’s bosom?

SYR. (apart.) It’s all up with us-- I’m utterly undone!

CLIT. What, I?

CHREM. With these self-same eyes I saw it-- don’t deny it. Besides, you wrong him unworthily in not keeping your hands off: for indeed it is a gross affront to entertain a person, your friend, at your house, and to take liberties with his mistress. Yesterday, for instance, at wine, how rude you were--

SYR. (apart.) ’Tis the truth.

CHREM. How annoying you were! So much so, that for my part, as the Gods may prosper me, I dreaded what in the end might be the consequence. I understand lovers. They resent highly things that you would not imagine.

CLIT. But he has full confidence in me, father, that I would not do any thing of that kind.

CHREM. Be it so; still, at least, you ought to go somewhere for a little time away from their presence. Passion prompts to many a thing; your presence acts as a restraint upon doing them. I form a judgment from myself. There’s not one of my friends this day to whom I would venture, Clitipho, to disclose all my secrets. With one, his station forbids it; with another, I am ashamed of the action itself, lest I may appear a fool or devoid of shame; do you rest assured that he does the same. But it is our part to be sensible of this; and, when and where it is requisite, to show due complaisance.

SYR. (coming forward and whispering to CLITIPHO.) What is it he is saying?

CLIT. (aside, to SYRUS.) I’m utterly undone!

SYR. Clitipho, these same injunctions I gave you. You have acted the part of a prudent and discreet person.

CLIT. Hold your tongue, I beg.

SYR. Very good.

CHREM. (approaching them.) Syrus, I am ashamed of him.

SYR. I believe it; and not without reason. Why, he vexes myself even.

CLIT. (to SYRUS.) Do you persist, then?

SYR. I’ faith, I’m saying the truth, as it appears to me.

CLIT. May I not go near them?

CHREM. How now-- pray, is there but one way of going near them?

SYR. (aside.) Confusion! He’ll be betraying himself before I’ve got the money. (Aloud.) Chremes, will you give attention to me, who am but a silly person?

CHREM. What am I to do?

SYR. Bid him go somewhere out of the way.

CLIT. Where am I to go?

SYR. Where you please; leave the place to them; be off and take a walk.

CLIT. Take a walk! where?

SYR. Pshaw! Just as if there was no place to walk in. Why, then, go this way, that way, where you will.

CHREM. He says right, I’m of his opinion.

CLIT. May the Gods extirpate you, Syrus, for thrusting me away from here.

SYR. (aside to CLITIPHO.) Then do you for the future keep those hands of yours within bounds. (Exit CLITIPHO.) Really now (to CHREMES), what do you think? What do you imagine will become of him next, unless, so far as the Gods afford you the means, you watch him, correct and admonish him?

CHREM. I’ll take care of that.

SYR. But now, master, he must be looked after by you.

CHREM. It shall be done.

SYR. If you are wise,-- for now he minds me less and less every day.

CHREM. What say you? What have you done, Syrus, about that matter which I was mentioning to you a short time since? Have you any plan that suits you, or not yet even?

SYR. You mean the design upon Menedemus? I have; I have just hit upon one.

CHREM. You are a clever fellow; what is it? Tell me.

SYR. I’ll tell you; but, as one matter arises, out of another----

CHREM. Why, what is it, Syrus?

SYR. This Courtesan is a very bad woman.

CHREM. So she seems.

SYR. Aye, if you did but know. O shocking! just see what she is hatching. There was a certain old woman here from Corinth,-- this Bacchis lent her a thousand silver drachmæ.

CHREM. What then?

SYR. She is now dead: she has left a daughter, a young girl. She has been left with this Bacchis as a pledge for that sum.

CHREM. I understand you.

SYR. She has brought her hither along with her, her I mean who is now with your wife.

CHREM. What then?

SYR. She is soliciting Clinia at once to advance her this money; she says, however, that this girl is to be a security, that, at a future time, she will repay the thousand pieces of money.

CHREM. And would she really be a security?

SYR. Dear me, is it to be doubted? I think so.

CHREM. What then do you intend doing?

SYR. What, I? I shall go to Menedemus; I’ll tell him she is a captive from Caria, rich, and of noble family; if he redeems her, there will be a considerable profit in this transaction.

CHREM. You are in an error.

SYR. Why so?

CHREM. I’ll now answer you for Menedemus-- I will not purchase her.

SYR. What is it you say? Do speak more agreeably to our wishes.

CHREM. But there is no occasion.

SYR. No occasion?

CHREM. Certainly not, i’ faith.

SYR. How so, I wonder?

CHREM. You shall soon know.

SYR. Stop, stop; what is the reason that there is such a great noise at our door? (They retire out of sight.)