Act V, Scene II

Enter NAUSISTRATA, in haste, from the house.

NAUS. Who calls my name?

CHREM. (in alarm.) Ha!

NAUS. My husband, pray what means this disturbance?

PHOR. (to CHREMES.) Oh, oh, why are you mute now?

NAUS. Who is this man? Won’t you answer me?

PHOR. What, he to answer you? who, upon my faith, doesn’t know where he is.

CHREM. (to NAUSISTRATA.) Take care how you believe that fellow in any thing.

PHOR. (to NAUSISTRATA.) Go, touch him; if he isn’t in a cold sweat all over, why then kill me.

CHREM. ’Tis nothing at all.

NAUS. What is it, then, that this person is talking about?

PHOR. You shall know directly; listen now.

CHREM. Are you resolved to believe him?

NAUS. Pray, how can I believe him, when he has told me nothing?

PHOR. The poor creature is distracted from fright.

NAUS. It isn’t for nothing, i’ faith, that you are in such a fright.

CHREM. What, I in a fright?

PHOR. (to CHREMES.) All right, of course: since you are not in a fright at all, and this is nothing at all that I’m going to tell, do you relate it.

DEM. Villain, is he to relate it at your request?

PHOR. (to DEMIPHO.) Come now, you’ve managed nicely for your brother.

NAUS. My husband, will you not tell me?

CHREM. But--

NAUS. But what?

CHREM. There’s no need to tell you.

PHOR. Not for you, indeed; but there’s need for her to know it. At Lemnos--

CHREM. (starting.) Ha! what are you doing?

DEM. (to PHORMIO.) Won’t you hold your tongue?

PHOR. (to NAUSISTRATA.) Unknown to you----

CHREM. Ah me!

PHOR. He married another----

NAUS. My dear sir, may the Gods forbid it!

PHOR. Such is the fact.

NAUS. Wretch that I am, I’m undone!

PHOR. And had a daughter by her, too, while you never dreamed of it.

CHREM. What are we to do?

NAUS. O immortal Gods! --a disgraceful and a wicked misdeed!

DEM. (aside, to CHREMES.) It’s all up with you.

PHOR. Was ever any thing now more ungenerously done? Your men, who, when they come to their wives, then become incapacitated from old age.

NAUS. Demipho, I appeal to you; for with that man it is irksome for me to speak. Were these those frequent journeys and long visits at Lemnos? Was this the lowness of prices that reduced our rents?

DEM. Nausistrata, I don’t deny that in this matter he has been deserving of censure; but still, it may be pardoned.

PHOR. (apart.) He is talking to the dead.

DEM. For he did this neither through neglect or aversion to yourself. About fifteen years since, in a drunken fit, he had an intrigue with this poor woman, of whom this girl was born, nor did he ever touch her afterward. She is dead and gone: the only difficulty that remained in this matter. Wherefore, I do beg of you, that, as in other things, you’ll bear this with patience.

NAUS. Why should I with patience? I could wish, afflicted as I am, that there were an end now of this matter. But how can I hope? Am I to suppose that, at his age, he will not offend in future? Was he not an old man then, if old age makes people behave themselves decently? Are my looks and my age more attractive now, Demipho? What do you advance to me, to make me expect or hope that this will not happen any more?

PHOR. (in a loud voice.) Those who have a mind to come to the funeral of Chremes, why now’s their time. ’Tis thus I retaliate: come now, let him challenge Phormio who pleases: I’ll have him victimized with just a like mischance. Why then, let him return again into her good graces. I have now had revenge enough. She has got something for her as long as she lives, to be forever ringing into his ears.

NAUS. But it was because I deserved this, I suppose; why should I now, Demipho, make mention of each particular, how I have conducted myself toward him?

DEM. I know it all, as well as yourself.

NAUS. Does it appear, then, that I deserved this treatment?

DEM. Far from it: but since, by reproaching, it can not now be undone, forgive him: he entreats you-- he begs your pardon-- owns his fault-- makes an apology. What would you have more?

PHOR. (aside.) But really, before she grants pardon to him, I must take care of myself and Phædria. (To NAUSISTRATA.) Hark you, Nausistrata, before you answer him without thinking, listen to me.

NAUS. What’s the matter?

PHOR. I got out of him thirty minæ by a stratagem. I give them to your son; he paid them to a Procurer for his mistress.

CHREM. Ha! what is it you say?

PHOR. (sneeringly.) Does it seem to you so very improper for your son, a young man, to keep one mistress, while you have two wives? Are you ashamed of nothing? With what face will you censure him? Answer me that.

DEM. He shall do as you wish.

NAUS. Nay, that you may now know my determination. I neither forgive nor promise any thing, nor give any answer, before I see my son: to his decision I leave every thing. What he bids me, I shall do.

DEM. You are a wise woman, Nausistrata.

NAUS. Does that satisfy you, Chremes?

CHREM. Yes, indeed, I come off well, and fully to my satisfaction; indeed, beyond my expectation.

NAUS. (to PHORMIO.) Do you tell me, what is your name?

PHOR. What, mine? Phormio; a well-wisher to your family, upon my honor, and to your son Phaedria in particular.

NAUS. Then, Phormio, on my word, henceforward I’ll both do and say for you all I can, and whatever you may desire.

PHOR. You speak obligingly.

NAUS. I’ faith, it is as you deserve.

PHOR. First, then, will you do this, Nausistrata, at once, to please me, and to make your husband’s eyes ache with vexation?

NAUS. With all my heart.

PHOR. Invite me to dinner.

NAUS. Assuredly indeed, I do invite you.

DEM. Let us now away in-doors.

CHREM. By all means; but where is Phaedria, our arbitrator?

PHOR. I’ll have him here just now. (To the AUDIENCE.) Fare you well, and grant us your applause.

ADDITIONAL SCENE.

(Which is generally considered to be spurious.)

Enter PHÆDRIA and PHORMIO, from opposite sides of the stage.

PHÆD. Assuredly there is a God, who both hears and sees what we do. And I do not consider that to be true which is commonly said: “Fortune frames and fashions the affairs of mankind, just as she pleases.”

PHOR. (aside.) Heyday! what means this? I’ve met with Socrates, not Phædria, so far as I see. Why hesitate to go up and address him? (Accosting him.) How now, Phædria, whence have you acquired this new wisdom, and derived such great delight, as you show by your countenance?

PHÆD. O welcome, my friend; O most delightful Phormio, welcome! There’s not a person in all the world I could more wish just now to meet than yourself.

PHOR. Pray, tell me what is the matter.

PHÆD. Aye, faith, I have to beg of you, that you will listen to it. My Pamphila is a citizen of Attica, and of noble birth, and rich.

PHOR. What is it you tell me? Are you dreaming, pray?

PHÆD. Upon my faith, I’m saying what’s true.

PHOR. Yes, and this, too, is a true saying: “You’ll have no great difficulty in believing that to be true, which you greatly wish to be so.”

PHÆD. Nay, but do listen, I beg of you, to all the wonderful things I have to tell you of. It was while thinking of this to myself, that I just now burst forth into those expressions which you heard-- that we, and what relates to us, are ruled by the sanction of the Gods, and not by blind chance.

PHOR. I’ve been for some time in a state of suspense.

PHÆD. Do you know Phanocrates?

PHOR. As well as I do yourself.

PHÆD. The rich man?

PHOR. I understand.

PHÆD. He is the father of Pamphila. Not to detain you, these were the circumstances: Calchas was his servant, a worthless, wicked fellow. Intending to run away from the house, he carried off this girl, whom her father was bringing up in the country, then five years old, and, secretly taking her with him to Eubæa, sold her to Lycus, a merchant. This person, a long time after, sold her, when now grown up, to Dorio. She, however, knew that she was the daughter of parents of rank, inasmuch as she recollected herself being attended and trained up by female servants: the name of her parents she didn’t recollect.

PHOR. How, then, were they discovered?

PHÆD. Stay; I was coming to that. This runaway was caught yesterday, and sent back to Phanocrates: he related the wonderful circumstances I have mentioned about the girl, and how she was sold to Lycus, and afterward to Dorio. Phanocrates sent immediately, and claimed his daughter; but when he learned that she had been sold, he came running to me.

PHOR. O, how extremely fortunate!

PHÆD. Phanocrates has no objection to my marrying her; nor has my father, I imagine.

PHOR. Trust me for that; I’ll have all this matter managed for you; Phormio has so arranged it, that you shall not be a suppliant to your father, but his judge.

PHÆD. You are joking.

PHOR. So it is, I tell you. Do you only give me the thirty minæ which Dorio--

PHÆD. You put me well in mind; I understand you; you may have them; for he must give them back, as the law forbids a free woman to be sold; and, on my faith, I do rejoice that an opportunity is afforded me of rewarding you, and taking a hearty vengeance upon him; a monster of a fellow! he has feelings more hardened than iron.

PHOR. Now, Phædria, I return you thanks; I’ll make you a return upon occasion, if ever I have the opportunity. You impose a heavy task upon me, to be contending with you in good offices, as I can not in wealth; and in affection and zeal, I must repay you what I owe. To be surpassed in deserving well, is a disgrace to a man of principle.

PHÆD. Services badly bestowed, I take to be disservices. But I do not know any person more grateful and more mindful of a service than yourself. What is it you were just now mentioning about my father?

PHOR. There are many particulars, which at present I have not the opportunity to relate. Let’s go in-doors, for Nausistrata has invited me to dinner, and I’m afraid we may keep them waiting.

PHÆD. Very well; follow me. (To the AUDIENCE.) Fare you well, and grant us your applause.