Lines 394–527

BLEPYRUS.
Whatever was it though that brought together
So vast a crowd so early ?

CHREMES.
’Twas determined
To put this question to the assembled people,
‘How best to save the State.’ So first and foremost
Came Neocleides, groping up to speak.
And all the people shouted out aloud,
What scandal that this blear-eyed oaf, who cannot
Save his own eyesight for himself, should dare
To come and teach us how to save the State.
But he cried out, and leered around, and said,
What’s to be done ?

BLEPYRUS.
Pound garlic up with verjuice,
Throw in some spurge of the Laconian sort,
And rub it on your eyelids every night.
That’s what, had I been present, I’d have said.

CHREMES.
Next came Evaeon, smart accomplished chap,
With nothing on, as most of us supposed,
But he himself insisted he was clothed.
He made a popular democratic speech.
Behold, says he, I am myself in want
Of cash to save me ; yet I know the way
To save the citizens, and save the State.
Let every clothier give to all that ask
Warm woollen robes, when first the sun turns back.
No more will pleurisy attack us then.
Let such as own no bedclothes and no bed,
After they’ve dined, seek out the furriers, there
To sleep ; and whoso shuts the door against them
In wintry weather, shall be fined three blankets.

BLEPYRUS.
Well said indeed ; and never a man would dare
To vote against him, had he added this :
That all who deal in grain shall freely give
Three quarts to every pauper, or be hanged.
That good, at least, they’d gain from Nausicydes.

CHREMES.
Then, after him, there bounded up to speak
A spruce and pale-faced youth, like Nicias.
And he declared we ought to place the State
Into the hands of (whom do you think ?) the women !
Then the whole mob of shoemakers began
To cheer like mad ; whilst all the country folk
Hooted and hissed.

BLEPYRUS.
They showed their sense, by Zeus.

CHREMES.
But less their numbers ; so the lad went on,
Speaking all good of women, but of you
Everything bad.

BLEPYRUS.
What ?

CHREMES.
First of all he called you
An arrant rogue.

BLEPYRUS.
And you?

CHREMES.
Let be, awhile.
Also a thief.

BLEPYRUS.
Me only?

CHREMES.
And by Zeus,
A sycophant.

BLEPYRUS.
Me only?

CHREMES.
And by Zeus,
All our friends here.

BLEPYRUS.
Well, who says nay to that ?

CHREMES.
And then the woman is, he said, a thing
Stuffed full of wit and moneymaking ways.
They don’t betray their Thesmophorian secrets,
But you and I blab all State secrets out.

BLEPYRUS.
By Hermes, there at least he told no lie.

CHREMES.
And women lend each other, said the lad,
Their dresses, trinkets, money, drinking-cups,
Though quite alone, with never a witness there.
And all restore the loan, and none withhold it.
But men, he said, are always doing this.

BLEPYRUS.
Aye to be sure : though witnesses were there.

CHREMES.
They don’t inform, or prosecute, or put
The people down : but everything that’s right.
And much, besides, he praised the womankind.

BLEPYRUS.
What was determined ?

CHREMES.
You’re to put the State
Into their hands. This was the one reform
Not yet attempted.

BLEPYRUS.
’Twas decreed ?

CHREMES.
It was.

BLEPYRUS.
So then the women now must undertake
All manly duties ?

CHREMES.
So I understand.

BLEPYRUS.
Then I shan’t be a dicast, but my wife ?

CHREMES.
Nor you support your household, but your wife.

BLEPYRUS.
Nor I get grumbling up in early morn?

CHREMES.
No: for the future that’s your wife’s affair.
You’ll lie abed : no grumbling any more.

BLEPYRUS.
But hark ye, ’twould be rough on us old men
If, when the women hold the reins of State,
They should perforce compel us to—

CHREMES.
Do what ?

BLEPYRUS.
Make love to them.

CHREMES.
But if we’re not prepared ?

BLEPYRUS.
They’ll dock our breakfasts.

CHREMES.
Therefore learn the way
How to make love, and eat your breakfast too.

BLEPYRUS.
Upon compulsion! Faugh!

CHREMES.
If that is for
The public good, we needs must all obey.
There is a legend of the olden time,
That all our foolish plans and vain conceits
Are overruled to work the public good.
So be it now, high Pallas and ye gods !
But I must go. Farewell.

BLEPYRUS.
And farewell, Chremes.

CHORUS.
Step strong! March along !
But search and scan if any man
be somewhere following in our rear.
Look out! Wheel about !
And O be sure that all’s secure ;
for many are the rogues, I fear.
Lest someone, coming up behind us,
in this ungodly guise should find us.
Be sure you make a clattering sound
with both your feet against the ground.
For dismal shame and scandal great
Will everywhere upon us wait,
if our disguise they penetrate.
So wrap your garments round you tight,
And peep about with all your might,
Both here and there and on your right,
Or this our plot to save the State
will in disaster terminate.
Move on, dear friends, move on apace,
for now we’re very near the place
From whence we started, when we went
to join the men in Parliament.
And there’s the mansion, full in view,
where dwells our lady chieftain, who
The wise and noble scheme invented
to which the State has just assented.
So now no longer must we stay,
no longer while the time away,
False-bearded with this bristly hair,
Lest someone see us and declare
our hidden secret everywhere.
So draw ye closer, at my call,
Beneath the shadow of the wall,
And glancing sideways, one and all,
Adjust and change your dresses there,
and bear the form which erst ye bare.
For see the noble lady fair,
our chieftainess, approaching there.
She’s coming home with eager speed
from yon Assembly ; take ye heed,
And loathe upon your chins to wear
that monstrous equipage of hair ;
For ’neath its tickling mass, I know,
they’ve all been smarting long ago.

PRAXAGORA.
So far, dear sisters, these our bold designs
Have all gone off successfully and well.
But now at once, or e’er some wight perceive us,
Off with your woollens ; cast your shoes ; unloose
The jointed clasp of thy Laconian reins :
Discard your staves ;—Nay, but do you, my dear,
Get these in order: I myself will steal
Into the house, and ere my husband see me,
Put back his overcloak, unnoticed, where
I found it, and whatever else I took.

CHORUS.
We have done your behest, and as touching the rest.
We will do whatsoever you tell us is best.
For truly I ween that a woman so keen,
Resourceful and subtle we never have seen.

PRAXAGORA.
Then all by my side, as the councillors tried
Of the office I hold, be content to abide ;
For there, in the fuss and the hullabaloo,
Ye proved yourselves women most manly and true.

BLEPYRUS.
Hallo, Praxagora, whence come you?

PRAXAGORA.
What’s that
To you, my man?

BLEPYRUS.
What’s that to me? That’s cool.

PRAXAGORA.
Not from a lover; that you know.

BLEPYRUS.
Perchance
From more than one.

PRAXAGORA.
That you can test, directly.

BLEPYRUS.
Marry and how?

PRAXAGORA.
Smell if my hair is perfumed.

BLEPYRUS.
Does not a woman sin unless she’s perfumed ?

PRAXAGORA.
I don’t, at all events.

BLEPYRUS.
What made you steal
Away so early with my overcloak ?