Lines 528–636

PRAXAGORA.
I was called out ere daybreak, to a friend
In pangs of childbirth.

BLEPYRUS.
Why not tell me first,
Before you went ?

PRAXAGORA.
Not haste to help her in
Such straits, my husband ?

BLEPYRUS.
After telling me.
Something’s wrong there.

PRAXAGORA.
Nay, by the Twain, I went
Just as I was ; the wench who came besought me
To lose no time.

BLEPYRUS.
Is that the reason why
You did not put your mantle on? You threw it
Over my bed and took my overcloak,
And left me lying like a corpse laid out ;
Only I’d never a wreath, or bottle of oil.

PRAXAGORA.
The night was cold, and I’m so slight and fragile,
I took your overcloak to keep me warm.
And you I left well snuggled up in warmth
And rugs, my husband.

BLEPYRUS.
How came my staff to form
One of your party, and my red Laconians ?

PRAXAGORA.
I took your shoes to save your overcloak ;
Aping your walk, stumping with both my feet,
And striking down your staff against the stones.

BLEPYRUS.
You’ve lost eight quarts of wheat, I’d have you know,
Which the Assembly would have brought me in.

PRAXAGORA.
Well, never mind ; she’s got a bonny boy.

BLEPYRUS.
Who the Assembly has ?

PRAXAGORA.
No, fool, the woman.
But has it met ?

BLEPYRUS.
I told you yesterday
’Twas going to meet.

PRAXAGORA.
O yes, I now remember.

BLEPYRUS.
Have you not heard then what’s decreed ?

PRAXAGORA.
No, dear

BLEPYRUS.
Then sit you down and chew your cuttlefish.
The State, they say, is handed over to you !

PRAXAGORA.
What for? To weave?

BLEPYRUS.
No, govern.

PRAXAGORA.
Govern what ?

BLEPYRUS.
All the whole work and business of the State.

PRAXAGORA.
O here’s a lucky State, by Aphrodite,
We’re going to have !

BLEPYRUS.
How so?

PRAXAGORA.
For many reasons.
For now no longer shall bold men be free
To shame the city : no more witnessing,
No false informing—

BLEPYRUS.
Hang it, don’t do that.
Don’t take away my only means of living !

CHREMES.
Pray, sir, be still, and let the lady speak.

PRAXAGORA.
No thefts of overcloaks, no envyings now,
None to be poor and naked any more.
No wranglings, no distraining on your goods.

CHREMES.
Now, by Poseidon, wondrous news if true.

PRAXAGORA.
Aye and I’ll prove it, so that you’ll support me,
And he himself have nought to say against it.

CHORUS.
Now waken your intellect bright,
Your soul philosophic, that knows
So well for your comrades to fight.
For all to our happiness goes
The project your tongue will disclose,
As with thousands of joys you propose
The citizen life to endow.
Now show us what things you can do!
It is time ; for the populace now
Requires an original new
Experiment ; only do you
Some novelty bring from your store
Never spoken or done heretofore.
The audience don’t like to be cheated
With humours too often repeated.
So come to the point, and at once ; for delay
Is a thing the spectators detest in a play.

PRAXAGORA.
I’ve an excellent scheme, if you will but believe it ;
But I cannot be sure how our friends will receive it ;
Or what they will do, if the old I eschew,
And propound them a system erratic and new.
This makes me a trifle alarmed and faint-hearted.

BLEPYRUS.
As to that, you may safely be fearless and bold :
We adore what is new, and abhor what is old.
This rule we retain when all else has departed.

PRAXAGORA.
Then all to the speaker in silence attend,
And don’t interrupt till I come to the end,
And weigh and perpend, till you quite comprehend,
The drift and intent of the scheme I present.
The rule which I dare to enact and declare,
Is that all shall be equal, and equally share
All wealth and enjoyments, nor longer endure
That one should be rich, and another be poor,
That one should have acres, far-stretching and wide,
And another not even enough to provide
Himself with a grave : that this at his call
Should have hundreds of servants, and that none at all.
All this I intend to correct and amend :
Now all of all blessings shall freely partake,
One life and one system for all men I make.

BLEPYRUS.
And how will you manage it?

PRAXAGORA.
First, I’ll provide
That the silver, and land, and whatever beside
Each man shall possess, shall be common and free,
One fund for the public ; then out of it we
Will feed and maintain you, like housekeepers true,
Dispensing, and sparing, and caring for you.

BLEPYRUS.
With regard to the land, I can quite understand,
But how, if a man have his money in hand,
Not farms, which you see, and he cannot withhold,
But talents of silver and Darics of gold?

PRAXAGORA.
All this to the stores he must bring.

BLEPYRUS.
But suppose
He choose to retain it, and nobody knows ;
Rank perjury doubtless ; but what if it be?

PRAXAGORA.
’Twas by that he acquired it at first.

BLEPYRUS.
I agree.

PRAXAGORA.
But now ’twill be useless ; he’ll need it no more.

BLEPYRUS.
How mean you ?

PRAXAGORA.
All pressure from want will be o’er.
Now each will have all that a man can desire,
Cakes, barley-loaves, chestnuts, abundant attire,
Wine, garlands and fish : then why should he wish
The wealth he has gotten by fraud to retain ?
If you know any reason, I hope you’ll explain.

BLEPYRUS.
’Tis those that have most of these goods, I believe,
That are always the worst and the keenest to thieve.

PRAXAGORA.
I grant you, my friend, in the days that are past,
In your old-fashioned system, abolished at last ;
But what he’s to gain, though his wealth he retain,
When all things are common, I’d have you explain.

BLEPYRUS.
If a youth to a girl his devotion would show,
He surely must woo her with presents.

PRAXAGORA.
O no.
All women and men will be common and free,
No marriage or other restraint there will be.

BLEPYRUS.
But if all should aspire to the favours of one,
To the girl that is fairest, what then will be done ?

PRAXAGORA.
By the side of the beauty, so stately and grand,
The dwarf, the deformed, and the ugly will stand ;
And before you’re entitled the beauty to woo,
Your court you must pay to the hag and the shrew.

BLEPYRUS.
For the ladies you’ve nicely provided no doubt ;
No woman will now be a lover without.
But what of the men? For the girls, I suspect,
The handsome will choose, and the ugly reject.

PRAXAGORA.
No girl will of course be permitted to mate
Except in accord with the rules of the State.
By the side of her lover, so handsome and tall,
Will be stationed the squat, the ungainly and small.
And before she’s entitled the beau to obtain,
Her love she must grant to the awkward and plain

BLEPYRUS.
O then such a nose as Lysicrates shows
Will vie with the fairest and best, I suppose.

PRAXAGORA.
O yes, ’tis a nice democratic device,
A popular system as ever was tried,
A jape on the swells with their rings and their pride.
Now, fopling, away, Gaffer Hobnail will say,
Stand aside : it is I have precedence to-day.

BLEPYRUS.
But how, may I ask, will the children be known?
And how can a father distinguish his own?

PRAXAGORA.
They will never be known: it can never be told ;
All youths will in common be sons of the old.