Lines 739–870

CITIZEN.
I bring my goods to the stores! That were to be
A hapless greenhorn, ill endowed with brains.
I’ll never do it ; by Poseidon, never !
I’ll test the thing and scan its bearings first.
I’m not the man to fling my sweat and thrift
So idly and so brainlessly away,
Before I’ve fathomed how the matter stands.
—You there! what means this long array of chattels ?
Are they brought out because you’re changing house,
Or are you going to pawn them ?

CHREMES.
No.

CITIZEN.
Then why
All in a row? Are they, in grand procession,
Marching to Hiero the auctioneer ?

CHREMES.
O no, I am going to bring them to the stores
For the State’s use : so run the new-made laws.

CITIZEN.
(in shrill surprise) You are going to bring them!

CHREMES.
Yes.

CITIZEN.
By Zeus the Saviour,
You’re an ill-starred one !

CHREMES.
How?

CITIZEN.
How? Plain enough.

CHREMES.
What, must I not, forsooth, obey the laws ?

CITIZEN.
The laws, poor wretch! What laws?

CHREMES.
The new-made laws.

CITIZEN.
The new-made laws? O what a fool you are !

CHREMES.
A fool ?

CITIZEN.
Well, aren’t you? Just the veriest dolt
In all the town !

CHREMES.
Because I do what’s ordered ?

CITIZEN.
Is it a wise man’s part to do what’s ordered ?

CHREMES.
Of course it is.

CITIZEN.
Of course it is a fool’s.

CHREMES.
Then won’t you bring yours in?

CITIZEN.
I wait awhile,
And watch the people what they’re going to do.

CHREMES.
What should they do but bring their chattels in
For the State’s use ?

CITIZEN.
I SAW IT AND BELIEVED.

CHREMES.
Why, in the streets they talk—

CITIZEN.
Ay, talk they will.

CHREMES.
Saying they’ll bring their goods—

CITIZEN.
Ay, say they will.

CHREMES.
Zounds ! you doubt everything.

CITIZEN.
Ay, doubt they will.

CHREMES.
O, Heaven confound you.

CITIZEN.
Ay, confound they will.

CHREMES.
What! think you men of sense will bring their goods ?

CITIZEN.
Not they! That’s not our custom: we’re disposed
Rather to take than give, like the dear gods.
Look at their statues, stretching out their hands !
We pray the powers to give us all things good ;
Still they hold forth their hands with hollowed palms,
Showing their notion is to take, not give.

CHREMES.
Pray now, good fellow, let me do my work.
Hi! where’s the strap? These must be tied together.

CITIZEN.
You are really going ?

CHREMES.
Don’t you see I’m tying
These tripods up this instant ?

CITIZEN.
O what folly !
Not to delay a little, and observe
What other people do, and then—

CHREMES.
And then ?

CITIZEN.
Why then put off, and then delay again.

CHREMES.
Why so?

CITIZEN.
Why, if perchance an earthquake came,
Or lightning fell, or a cat cross the street,
They’ll soon cease bringing in, you blockhead you!

CHREMES.
A pleasant jest, if I should find no room
To bring my chattels !

CITIZEN.
To RECEIVE, you mean.
’Twere time to bring them, two days hence.

CHREMES.
How mean you ?

CITIZEN.
I know these fellows ; voting in hot haste,
And straight ignoring the decree they’ve passed.

CHREMES.
They’ll bring them, friend.

CITIZEN.
But if they don’t, what then ?

CHREMES.
No fear ; they’ll bring them.

CITIZEN.
If they don’t, what then ?

CHREMES.
We’ll fight them.

CITIZEN.
If they prove too strong, what then?

CHREMES.
I’ll leave them.

CITIZEN.
If they won’t be left, what then?

CHREMES.
Go, hang yourself.

CITIZEN.
And if I do, what then ?

CHREMES.
’Twere a good deed.

CITIZEN.
You are really going to bring them?

CHREMES.
Yes, that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
I see my neighbours bringing theirs.

CITIZEN.
O ay, Antisthenes for instance. Heavens, he’d liefer
Sit on the stool for thirty days and more.

CHREMES.
Be hanged !

CITIZEN.
Well, but Callimachus the poet,
What, will he bring them ?

CHREMES.
More than Callias can.

CITIZEN.
Well, here’s a man will throw away his substance.

CHREMES.
That’s a hard saying.

CITIZEN.
Hard? when every day
We see abortive resolutions passed !
That vote about the salt, you mind that, don’t you ?

CHREMES.
I do.

CITIZEN.
And how we voted, don’t you mind,
Those copper coins.

CHREMES.
And a bad job for me
That coinage proved. I sold my grapes, and stuffed
My cheek with coppers ; then I steered away
And went to purchase barley in the market ;
When just as I was holding out my sack,
The herald cried, No copper coins allowed !
Nothing but silver must be paid or taken !

CITIZEN.
Then that late tax, the two-and-a-half per cent,
Euripides devised, weren’t we all vowing
’Twould yield five hundred talents to the State?
Then every man would gild Euripides.
But when we reckoned up, and found the thing
A Zeus’s Corinth, and no good at all,
Then every man would tar Euripides.

CHREMES.
But times have altered ; then the men bare sway,
’Tis now the women.

CITIZEN.
Who, I’ll take good care,
Shan’t try on me their little piddling ways.

CHREMES.
You’re talking nonsense. Boy, take up the yoke.

CRIER.
O all ye citizens (for now ’tis thus),
Come all, come quick, straight to your chieftainess,
There cast your lots ; there fortune shall assign
To every man his destined feasting-place.
Come, for the tables now are all prepared
And laden heavily with all good things :
The couches all with rugs and cushions piled !
They’re mixing wine: the perfume-selling girls
Are ranged in order: collops on the fire :
Hares on the spit ; and in the oven, cakes ;
Chaplets are woven: comfits parched and dried.
The youngest girls are boiling pots of broth ;
And there amongst them, in his riding-suit,
The gallant Smoius licks their platters clean.
There Geron too, in dainty robe and pumps,
His threadbare cloak and shoon discarded now,
Struts on, guffawing with another lad.
Come, therefore, come, and quickly : bread in hand
The pantler stands ; and open wide your mouths.

CITIZEN.
I’ll go, for one. Why stand I idly here,
When thus the city has declared her will ?

CHREMES.
Where will you go? You haven’t brought your goods.

CITIZEN.
To supper.

CHREMES.
Not if they’ve their wits about them
Until you’ve brought your goods.

CITIZEN.
I’ll bring them.

CHREMES.
When?

CITIZEN.
My doings won’t delay the job.

CHREMES.
Why not?

CITIZEN.
Others will bring them later still than I.

CHREMES.
You are going to supper ?

CITIZEN.
What am I to do?
Good citizens must needs support the State
As best they can.

CHREMES.
If they say no, what then?

CITIZEN.
At them, head foremost.

CHREMES.
If they strike, what then ?

CITIZEN.
Summon the minxes.

CHREMES.
If they jeer, what then?

CITIZEN.
Why, then I’ll stand beside the door, and—

CHREMES.
What?

CITIZEN.
Seize on the viands as they bear them in.

CHREMES.
Come later then. Now Parmeno and Sicon
Take up my goods and carry them along.

CITIZEN.
I’ll help you bring them.

CHREMES.
Heaven forbid! I fear
That when I’m there, depositing the goods
Beside the chieftainess, you’ll claim them yours.