Lines 265–393

CARIO.
He’s got a man, an ancient man,
of sorriest form and feature,
Bald, toothless, squalid, wrinkled, bent,
a very loathsome creature.
I really should not be surprised
to hear the wretch is circumcised.

CHORUS.
O Messenger of golden news,
you thrill my heart with pleasure.
I do believe the man has come
with quite a heap of treasure!

CARIO.
O aye, he’s got a heap, I guess,
a heap of woes and wretchedness.

CHORUS.
You think, I see, you think you’re free
to gull me with impunity.
No, no; my stick I’ve got and quick
I’ll get my opportunity.

CARIO.
What, think you I’m the sort of man
such things as that to do, sirs?
Am I the man a tale to tell
wherein there’s nothing true, sirs?

CHORUS.
How absolute the knave has grown!
your shins, my boy, are bawling
Ah! Ah! with all their might and main,
for gyves and fetters calling.

CARIO.
You’ve drawn your lot; the grave you’ve got
to judge in; why delay now?
Old Charon gives the ticket there;
why don’t you pass away now?

CHORUS.
Go hang yourself, you peevish elf,
you born buffoon and scoffer.
You love to tantalize and tease,
nor condescend to offer
A word of explanation why
we’re summoned here so hurriedly.
I had to shirk some urgent work,
and here so quickly hasted,
That many a tempting root of thyme
I passed, and left untasted.

CARIO.
I’ll hide it not: ’tis Wealth we’ve got;
the God of wealth we’ve captured,
You’ll all be rich and wealthy now.
Ha, don’t you look enraptured?

CHORUS.
He says we’ll all be wealthy now;
upon my word this passes, sirs.

CARIO.
O yes, you’ll all be Midases,
if only you’ve the asses’ ears.

CHORUS.
O I’m so happy, I’m so glad,
I needs must dance for jollity,
If what you say is really true,
and not your own frivolity

CARIO.
And I before your ranks will go,
Threttanelo! Threttanelo!
And I, the Cyclops, heel and toe,
will dance the sailor’s hornpipe,—so!
Come up, come up, my little ones all,
come raise your multitudinous squall,
Come bleating loudly the tuneful notes
Of sheep and of rankly-odorous goats.
Come follow along on your loves intent;
come goats, ’tis time to your meal ye went.

CHORUS.
And you we’ll seek where’er you go,
Threttanelo! Threttanelo!
And you, the Cyclops, will we find
in dirty, drunken sleep reclined,
Your well-stuffed wallet beside you too,
with many a potherb bathed in dew.
And then from out of the fire we’ll take
A sharply-pointed and burning stake,
And whirling it round till our shoulders ache,
its flame in your hissing eyeball slake.

CARIO.
And now I’ll change to Circe’s part,
who mixed her drugs with baleful art;
Who late in Corinth, as I’ve learned,
Philonides’s comrades turned
To loathsome swine in a loathsome sty,
And fed them all on kneaded dung
which, kneading, she amongst them flung.
And turn you all into swine will I.
And then ye’ll grunt in your bestial glee
Wee! wee! wee!
Follow your mother, pigs, quoth she.

CHORUS.
We’ll catch you, Circe dear, we will;
who mix your drugs with baleful skill;
Who with enchantments strange and vile
ensnare our comrades and defile;
We’ll hang you up as you erst were hung
By bold Odysseus, lady fair;
and then as if a goat you were
We’ll rub your nose in the kneaded dung.
Like Aristyllus you’ll gape with glee
Wee! wee! wee!
Follow your mother, pigs, quoth he.

CARIO.
But now, old mates, break off, break off;
no longer may we jest and scoff;
No longer play the fool to-day.
And ye must sail on another tack,
Whilst I, behind my master’s back,
Rummage for meat and bread to eat,
And then, whilst yet the food I chew,
I’ll join the work we are going to do.

CHREMYLUS.
To bid you “welcome,” fellow-burghers, now
Is old and musty; so I—“clasp” you all.
Ye who have come in this stout-hearted way,
This strenuous way, this unrelaxing way,
Stand by me now, and prove yourselves to-day
In very truth the Saviours of the God.

CHORUS.
Fear not: I’ll bear me like the God of War.
What, shall we push and hustle in the Assembly
To gain our three poor obols, and to-day
Let Wealth himself be wrested from our grasp?

CHREMYLUS.
And here, I see, comes Blepsidemus too.
Look! by his speed and bearing you can tell
He has heard a rumour of what’s happening here.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
What can it mean? Old Chremylus grown
wealthy!
Then whence and how? I don’t believe that story.
And yet by Heracles ’twas bruited wide
Amongst the loungers in the barbers’ shops
That Chremylus had all at once grown rich.
And if he has, ’tis passing wonderful
That he should call his neighbours in to share.
That’s not our country’s fashion, anyhow.

CHREMYLUS.
I’ll tell him everything. O Blepsidemus,
We’re better off to-day than yesterday.
You are my friend, and you shall share in all.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
What, are you really wealthy, as men say?

CHREMYLUS.
Well, if God will, I shall be presently.
But there’s some risk, some risk, about it yet.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
What sort of risk?

CHREMYLUS.
Such as—

BLEPSIDEMUS.
Pray, pray go on.

CHREMYLUS.
If we succeed, we’re prosperous all our lives:
But if we fail, we perish utterly.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
I like not this; there’s something wrong behind,
Some evil venture. To become, off-hand,
So over-wealthy, and to fear such risks,
Smacks of a man who has done some rotten thing.

CHREMYLUS.
Rotten! what mean you?

BLEPSIDEMUS.
If you’ve stolen aught,
Or gold or silver, from the God out there,
And now perchance repent you of your sin,—

CHREMYLUS.
Apollo shield us! no, I’ve not done that.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
O don’t tell me. I see it plainly now.

CHREMYLUS.
Pray don’t suspect me of such crimes.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
Alas!
There’s nothing sound or honest in the world,
The love of money overcomes us all.

CHREMYLUS.
Now by Demeter, friend, you have lost your wits.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
O how unlike the man he used to be!

CHREMYLUS.
Poor chap, you’re moody-mad: I vow you are.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
His very eye’s grown shifty: he can’t look you
Straight in the face: I warrant he’s turned rogue.

CHREMYLUS.
I understand. You think I’ve stolen something,
And want a share.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
I want a share? in what?

CHREMYLUS.
But ’tis not so: the thing’s quite otherwise.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
Not stol’n, but robbed outright?

CHREMYLUS.
The man’s possessed.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
Have you embezzled someone else’s cash?

CHREMYLUS.
I haven’t: no.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
O Heracles, where now
Can a man turn! you won’t confess the truth.

CHREMYLUS.
You bring your charge before you have heard the facts.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
Now prithee let me hush the matter up
For a mere trifle, ere it all leaks out.
A few small coins will stop the speakers’ mouths.

CHREMYLUS.
You’d like, I warrant, in your friendly way,
To spend three minas, and to charge me twelve.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
I see an old man pleading for his life
With olive-branch in hand, and at his side
His weeping wife and children, shrewdly like
The suppliant Heracleids of Pamphilus.

CHREMYLUS.
Nay, luckless idiot, ’tis the good alone
And right- and sober-minded that I’m going
At once to make so wealthy.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
Heaven and earth!
What, have you stol’n so largely?

CHREMYLUS.
O confound it,
You’ll be my death.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
You’ll be your own, I fancy.

CHREMYLUS.
Not so, you reprobate; ’tis WEALTH I’ve got.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
You, Wealth! What sort of wealth?

CHREMYLUS.
The God himself.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
Where? where?

CHREMYLUS.
Within.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
Where?

CHREMYLUS.
In my house.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
In yours?