Lines 393–518

CHREMYLUS.
Yes.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
You be hanged! Wealth in your house?

CHREMYLUS.
I swear it.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
Is this the truth?

CHREMYLUS.
It is.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
By Hestia?

CHREMYLUS.
Aye; by Poseidon.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
Him that rules the sea?

CHREMYLUS.
If there’s another, by that other too.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
Then don’t you send him round for friends to share?

CHREMYLUS.
Not yet; things haven’t reached that stage.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
What stage?
The stage of sharing?

CHREMYLUS.
Aye, we’ve first to—

BLEPSIDEMUS.
What?

CHREMYLUS.
Restore the sight—

BLEPSIDEMUS.
Restore the sight of whom?

CHREMYLUS.
The sight of Wealth, by any means we can.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
What, is he really blind?

CHREMYLUS.
He really is.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
O that is why he never came to me.

CHREMYLUS.
But now he’ll come, if such the will of Heaven.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
Had we not better call a doctor in?

CHREMYLUS.
Is there a doctor now in all the town?
There are no fees, and therefore there’s no skill.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
Let’s think awhile.

CHREMYLUS.
There’s none.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
No more there is.

CHREMYLUS.
Why then, ’tis best to do what I intended,
To let him lie inside Asclepius’ temple
A whole night long.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
That’s far the best, I swear it.
So don’t be dawdling: quick; get something done.

CHREMYLUS.
I’m going.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
Make you haste.

CHREMYLUS.
I’m doing that.

POVERTY.
You pair of luckless manikins who dare
A rash, unholy, lawless deed to do—
Where! What! Why flee ye? Tarry?

BLEPSIDEMUS.
Heracles!

POVERTY.
I’ll make you die a miserable death.
For ye have dared a deed intolerable
Which no one else has ever dared to do,
Or God or man! Now therefore ye must die.

CHREMYLUS.
But who are you that look so pale and wan?

BLEPSIDEMUS.
Belike some Fury from a tragic play.
She has a wild and tragic sort of look.

CHREMYLUS.
No, for she bears no torch.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
The worse for her.

POVERTY.
What do you take me for?

CHREMYLUS.
Some pot-house girl
Or omelette-seller: else you would not bawl
At us so loudly ere you’re harmed at all.

POVERTY.
Not harmed! Why, is it not a shameful thing
That you should seek to drive me from the land?

CHREMYLUS.
At all events you’ve got the Deadman’s Pit.
But tell us quickly who and what you are.

POVERTY.
One who is going to pay you out to-day
Because ye seek to banish me from hence.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
Is it the barmaid from the neighbouring tap
Who always cheats me with her swindling pint-pots?

POVERTY.
It’s Poverty, your mate for many a year!

BLEPSIDEMUS.
O King Apollo and ye Gods, I’m off.

CHREMYLUS.
Hi! What are you at? Stop, stop, you coward you,
Stop, can’t you?

BLEPSIDEMUS.
Anything but that.

CHREMYLUS.
Pray stop.
What! shall one woman scare away two men?

BLEPSIDEMUS.
But this is Poverty herself, you rogue,
The most destructive pest in all the world.

CHREMYLUS.
Stay, I implore you, stay.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
Not I, by Zeus.

CHREMYLUS.
Why, this, I tell you, were the cowardliest deed
That ere was heard of, did we leave the God
Deserted here, and flee away ourselves
Too scared to strike one blow in his defence.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
O, on what arms, what force, can we rely?
Is there a shield, a corslet, anywhere
Which this vile creature has not put in pawn?

CHREMYLUS.
Courage! the God will, single-handed, rear
A trophy o’er this atrophied assailant.

POVERTY.
What! dare you mutter, you two outcasts you,
Caught in the act, doing such dreadful deeds?

CHREMYLUS.
O, you accursed jade, why come you here
Abusing us? We never did you wrong.

POVERTY.
No wrong, forsooth! O by the heavenly Powers
No wrong to me, your trying to restore
Wealth’s sight again?

CHREMYLUS.
How can it injure you,
If we are trying to confer a blessing
On all mankind?

POVERTY.
Blessing! what blessing?

CHREMYLUS.
What?
Expelling you from Hellas, first of all.

POVERTY.
Expelling me from Hellas! Could you do
A greater injury to mankind than that?

CHREMYLUS.
A greater? Yes; by not expelling you.

POVERTY.
Now that’s a question I am quite prepared
To argue out at once; and if I prove
That I’m the source of every good to men,
And that by me ye live—: but if I fail,
Then do thereafter whatsoe’er ye list.

CHREMYLUS.
You dare to offer this, you vixen you?

POVERTY.
And you, accept it: easily enough
Methinks I’ll show you altogether wrong
Making the good men rich, as you propose.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
O clubs and pillories! To the rescue! Help!

POVERTY.
Don’t shout and storm before you have heard the facts.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
Who can help shouting, when he hears such wild
Extravagant notions?

POVERTY.
Any man of sense.

CHREMYLUS.
And what’s the penalty you’ll bear, in case
You lose the day?

POVERTY.
Whate’er you please.

CHREMYLUS.
’Tis well.

POVERTY.
But, if ye are worsted, ye must bear the same.

BLEPSIDEMUS.
[To Chremylus] Think you that twenty deaths are fine enough?

CHREMYLUS.
Enough for her; but two will do for us.

POVERTY.
Well then, be quick about it; for, indeed,
How can my statements be with truth gainsaid?

CHORUS.
Find something, I pray, philosophic to say,
whereby you may vanquish and rout her.
No thought of retreat; but her arguments meet
with arguments stronger and stouter.

CHREMYLUS.
All people with me, I am sure, will agree,
for to all men alike it is clear,
That the honest and true should enjoy, as their due,
a successful and happy career,
Whilst the lot of the godless and wicked should fall
in exactly the opposite sphere.
’Twas to compass this end that myself and my friend
have been thinking as hard as we can,
And have hit on a nice beneficial device,
a truly magnificent plan.
For if Wealth should attain to his eyesight again,
nor amongst us so aimlessly roam,
To the dwellings I know of the good he would go,
nor ever depart from their home.
The unjust and profane with disgust and disdain
he is certain thereafter to shun,
Till all shall be honest and wealthy at last,
to virtue and opulence won.
Is there any design more effective than mine
a blessing on men to confer?

BLEPSIDEMUS.
No, nothing, that’s flat; I will answer for that;
so don’t be inquiring of her.

CHREMYLUS.
For our life of to-day were a man to survey
and consider its chances aright,
He might fancy, I ween, it were madness or e’en
the sport of some mischievous sprite.
So often the best of the world is possessed
by the most undeserving of men,
Who have gotten their pile of money by vile
injustice; so often again
The righteous are seen to be famished and lean,
yea, with thee as their comrade to dwell.
Now if Wealth were to-night to recover his sight,
and her from amongst us expel,
Can you tell me, I pray, a more excellent way
of bestowing a boon on mankind?

POVERTY.
O men on the least provocation prepared
to be crazy and out of your mind,
Men bearded and old, yet companions enrolled
in the Order of zanies and fools,
O what is the gain that the world would obtain
were it governed by you and your rules?
Why, if Wealth should allot himself equally out
(assume that his sight ye restore),
Then none would to science his talents devote
or practise a craft any more.
Yet if science and art from the world should depart,
pray whom would ye get for the future
To build you a ship, or your leather to snip,
or to make you a wheel or a suture?
Do ye think that a man will be likely to tan,
or a smithy or laundry to keep,
Or to break up the soil with his ploughshare, and toil
the fruits of Demeter to reap,
If regardless of these he can dwell at his ease,
a life without labour enjoying?

CHREMYLUS.
Absurd! why the troubles and tasks you describe
we of course shall our servants employ in.