Act II, Scene VI

Enter PALAESTRIO from the Captain's house.

PAL. Sceledrus, Sceledrus, what one man is there on earth more impudent than yourself? Who more than yourself has been born with the Deities hostile and enraged?

SCEL. What's the matter?

PAL. Do you want those eyes of yours gouged out, with which you see what never existed?

SCEL. How, what never existed?

PAL. I would not buy your life at the price of a rotten nut.

SCEL. Why, what's the matter?

PAL. What's the matter, do you ask?

SCEL. And why shouldn't I ask?

PAL. Why don't you beg for that tongue of yours to be cut out, that prates so at random?

SCEL. Why should I beg for that?

PAL. Why, Philocomasium is there at home, she whom you were saying that you had seen next door kissing and toying with another man.

SCEL. 'Tis a wonder that you are in the habit of feeding on darnel, with wheat at so low a price.

PAL. Why so?

SCEL. Because you are so dim of sight.

PAL. You gallows-bird, 'tis you, indeed, that are blind, with a vengeance, and not dim of sight; for, sure enough, there she is at home.

SCEL. How? At home?

PAL. At home, i' faith, undoubtedly.

SCEL. Be off with you; you are playing with me, Palaestrio

PAL. My hands are dirty, then.

SCEL. How so?

PAL. Because I am playing with dirt.

SCEL. A mischief on your head.

PAL. Nay rather, Sceledrus, it shall be on yours, I promise you, unless you change for fresh your eyes and your talk. But our door made a noise.

SCEL. Well, I shall watch here out of doors; for there is no way by which she can pass hence in-doors, except through the front door.

PAL. But there she is, at home. I don't know, Sceledrus, what mischief is possessing you?

SCEL. I see for my own self, I judge for my own self, I have especial faith in my own self: no man shall frighten me out of it, but that she is in that house. (Points to the house of PERIPLECOMENUS.) Here I'll take my stand, that she may not steal out home without my knowledge.

PAL. (aside). This fellow is in my hands; now will I drive him from his strong hold. (To SCELEDRUS.) Do you wish me now to make you own that you don't see correctly?

SCEL. Come, do it then.

PAL. And that you neither think aright in your mind, nor yet make use of your eyes?

SCEL. I'd have you do it.

PAL. Do you say, then, that the lady of your master is there in that house?

SCEL. I assert, as well, that I saw her here in this house (points to the house of PERIPLECOMENUS), toying with a strange man.

PAL. Don't you know that there is no communication between our house here and that one?

SCEL. I know it.

PAL. Neither by the terrace, nor by the garden, only through the skylight?

SCEL. I know it.

PAL. What then, if she is now at home? If I shall make her, so as you may see her, come out hence from our house, are you not deserving of many a lashing?

SCEL. I am so deserving.

PAL. Watch that door, then, that she may not privily betake herself out thence without your knowledge and pass here into our house.

SCEL. 'Tis my intention to do so.

PAL. Upon her feet will I place her this moment here before you in the street.

SCEL. Come, then, and do so. (PALAESTRIO goes into the Captain's house.)