The Will

Now that life is nearly spent,
Here’s my will and testament,
Giving every foe a present,
As a Christian finds it pleasant:

Let these gentry full of merit
Have my sickness as their guerdon,
All that makes my life a burden,--
All my wretched pangs inherit.

I bequeath you all the colic
Which my belly tweaks in frolic,--
Strangury and these perfidious
Prussian piles so sharp and hideous.

Unto you my cramps be given,
Pains in joints, and salivation,
Pains in back, and inflammation,--
Every one the gift of heaven.

Let this codicil then follow:--
Lord! that wretched herd demolish,
And their very name abolish,
As they in their vileness wallow.