Tudor & Elizabethan

Thomas Bastard

1565/6–1618


Thomas Bastard (1565/6–1618) was an English clergyman and epigrammatist, born in Blandford Forum, Dorset. He was educated at Winchester College and New College, Oxford, and later held church livings in Dorset, including Bere Regis.

His Chrestoleros: Seven Bookes of Epigrames (1598), dedicated to Lord Mountjoy, is a collection of short satirical and moral verses on lawyers, doctors, preachers, courtiers and fools, together with epitaphs and poems of praise. It is among the best-known English epigram books of the Elizabethan age.

  1. To the Right Honourable Sir Charles Blunt Knight, Lord Mountjoy
  2. Epigram 1 (I Speake of wants, of frauds, of policies,)
  3. Epigram 2 (When I was sweetly sotted with delight,)
  4. Epigram 3 (Reader my booke flies low, and comes not ...)
  5. Epigram 4 (Man is a little world and beares the ...)
  6. Epigram 5 (The little worlde the subiect of my muse,)
  7. Epigram 6 (Momus, I treate of vices by the way,)
  8. Epigram 7 (Me thinks some curious Reader, I heare say,)
  9. Epigram 8 (Great Lord, thine honour and thine excellence,)
  10. Epigram 9 (Caius will doe me good he sweares by ...)
  11. Epigram 10 (The naked corpse cast out vpon the shoare,)
  12. Epigram 11 (When nature wrought vpon her mould so well,)
  13. Epigram 12 (Pvblius sweares he is nor false nor wicked,)
  14. Epigram 13 (Gallus would made me heire, but suddainly,)
  15. Epigram 14 (Matho the wisher hath an ill entent,)
  16. Epigram 15 (Phisition Mirus talkes of saliuation,)
  17. Epigram 16 (Some say that some which Colledges did found,)
  18. Epigram 17 (Martiall, in sooth none should presume to write,)
  19. Epigram 18 (The poore man plaines vnto a Crocodile,)
  20. Epigram 19 (Avarice hath an endlesse eye,)
  21. Epigram 20 (Cacus desired me to set him foorth,)
  22. Epigram 21 (The Printer when I askt a little summe,)
  23. Epigram 22 (Scilla had bin in France a weeke or ...)
  24. Epigram 23 (Caluus hath hayre neither on head or brow.)
  25. Epigram 24 (Faustus is sicke of care, the doctors say,)
  26. Epigram 25 (He which put on a false vpon thy ...)
  27. Epigram 26 (When Adam couered his first nakednes,)
  28. Epigram 27 (Cophus on Antimonium doth plodd,)
  29. Epigram 28 (They which reade Horace Virgill and the rest,)
  30. Epigram 29 (The good turne Gallus which you promised,)
  31. Epigram 30 (Florus exceeded all men of our time,)
  32. Epigram 31 (Heere I lie sealed vnder this stone,)
  33. Epigram 32 (They say the Spaniards make prouision)
  34. Epigram 33 (If ye aske Laetus why he keepes no ...)
  35. Epigram 34 (The welcome Sunne from sea Freake is returned,)
  36. Epigram 35 (A Athough Thersites haue a filthy face,)
  37. Epigram 36 (Nisus writes Epigrams and so doe I,)
  38. Epigram 37 (Festus and this vile world haue shaken hands,)
  39. Epigram 38 (Olde Misus is a slauish drudge I knowe,)
  40. Epigram 39 (My little booke whom wilt thou please, tell ...)
  41. Epigram 40 (How quickly doth the Reader passe away,)
  42. Epigram 1 (Thou which deluding raisest vp a fame,)
  43. Epigram 2 (Porus when first he ventred for a prize,)
  44. Epigram 3 (Monsters of men are many now a day,)
  45. Epigram 4 (Wotton, the country and the country swayne,)
  46. Epigram 5 (Mine hoast he hath but one eye which ...)
  47. Epigram 6 (When coldes & frosts, & snowes were wont ...)
  48. Epigram 7 (Laetus by sops, and sups, and little more)
  49. Epigram 8 (Walking the fieldes a wantcatcher I spide,)
  50. Epigram 9 (Westminster is a mill which gryndes all causes,)
  51. Epigram 10 (A Gentleman, if once decline chance,)
  52. Epigram 11 (He which to London did conuey the pigge,)
  53. Epigram 12 (Zoile now stinkes, cold, wann, and withered,)
  54. Epigram 13 (Cacus, if any chance on him to call,)
  55. Epigram 14 (Here lies a bounch of haire deepe falowed,)
  56. Epigram 15 (Heywood goes downe saith Dauis, sikerly,)
  57. Epigram 16 (Reader, there is no biting in my verse;)
  58. Epigram 17 (Ye Courtiers, so may you in courtly sorte)
  59. Epigram 18 (I Chanced on a monster of a man,)
  60. Epigram 19 (Neuer so many vserers were knowne,)
  61. Epigram 20 (He that will in the mid'st of dronkennesse,)
  62. Epigram 21 (Momus to be a Poet Lawreate,)
  63. Epigram 22 (I Mett a courtier riding on the plaine,)
  64. Epigram 23 (Misus, thy wealth will quickly breath away,)
  65. Epigram 27 (Lalus is drunke, and able scarse to speake,)
  66. Epigram 25 (Thy beard is long: better it would thee ...)
  67. Epigram 26 (I Want an hundred pounds: my bookes I ...)
  68. Epigram 27 (Laetus would begge of me I knowe not ...)
  69. Epigram 28 (So harde it was for Poets to reiect,)
  70. Epigram 29 (The Pope as king of kings hath power ...)
  71. Epigram 30 (Liue long Elisa, that the wolse of Spayne,)
  72. Epigram 31 (Reader me thinkes that now I doe digresse,)
  73. Epigram 32 (Essex, the ends which men so saine would ...)
  74. Epigram 33 (Olde hand in handes saluting now is past,)
  75. Epigram 34 (The first defence that goolde hath, is the ...)
  76. Epigram 35 (I Pray thee fortune, (fortune if thou be.))
  77. Epigram 37 (I Vowde to make an Epigram a day,)
  78. Epigram 38 (So thy rare vertues fixed in mine eyes,)
  79. Epigram 39 (The princes good is good to all: but ...)
  80. Epigram 40 (One sayde my booke was like vnto a ...)
  81. Epigram 1 (My Booke is not for learned men nor ...)
  82. Epigram 2 (Corus desires with them to haue a place,)
  83. Epigram 3 (If witt may make a Poet, as I ...)
  84. Epigram 4 (King Philip would by force victoriously,)
  85. Epigram 5 (These ships with childe with such an enterprize,)
  86. Epigram 6 (The newes of Spanish wars, how wondrously,)
  87. Epigram 7 (When Caesar in those wars which did not ...)
  88. Epigram 8 (Phylo is richly rayde, and beareth hye)
  89. Epigram 9 (Besides contentions to vs naturall,)
  90. Epigram 10 (When bākrupt Tamus, his chānel scarse did wer)
  91. Epigram 11 (Reader if Heywood liued now againe)
  92. Epigram 12 (The end is all, & in the end ...)
  93. Epigram 13 (A podding hath two ends? ye lye my ...)
  94. Epigram 14 (Tell me good Tom, hast thou the Lions ...)
  95. Epigram 15 (Ienkin is a rude clowne; go tell him ...)
  96. Epigram 16 (He that would know an Ape, may be ...)
  97. Epigram 17 (Bankes hath an horse of wondrous qualitie,)
  98. Epigram 18 (Pymer lou'de Talbot, Talbot loued him,)
  99. Epigram 18 (Some will perhaps condemne my foolish veyne,)
  100. Epigram 19 (Seuerus reads my booke, and hauing read,)
  101. Epigram 20 (Seuerus calls me idle, I confesse:)
  102. Epigram 21 (When Sextus Quintus traytrously had slayne,)
  103. Epigram 21 (Mother of England, and sweete nurse of all,)
  104. Epigram 22 (I Know where is a thiefe and long ...)
  105. Epigram 23 (Mountioy what is my muse, or my dull ...)
  106. Epigram 24 (When Cacus wrong'de me, this was his excuse,)
  107. Epigram 25 (You did me harme, but meant not so ...)
  108. Epigram 26 (Morton whose face bewrayes antiquitie,)
  109. Epigram 27 (Eeds, onely thou an Epigram dost season,)
  110. Epigram 28 (When breath and life through my cold miserie,)
  111. Epigram 9 (Neuer so many masters any knew,)
  112. Epigram 30 (There was presented you an odd Libell)
  113. Epigram 31 (Libel all rawe with indigested spite,)
  114. Epigram 32 (Matho, if common liking might suffice,)
  115. Epigram 33 (A Wealch and Englishman meete on the way,)
  116. Epigram 34 (Thymus is so enspirde so mortifide,)
  117. Epigram 35 (Dareus nose when time of death drew neere,)
  118. Epigram 36 (The peasant Corus of his wealth doth boast,)
  119. Epigram 37 (Matho in wealth and ease, at libertye,)
  120. Epigram 38 (Seuerus hates my pens lycentious grace.)
  121. Epigram 39 (If I could turne my verse into desart,)
  122. Epigram 1 (Lye not my booke for that were wickednes,)
  123. Epigram 2 (Mountioy, among the labours of my pen,)
  124. Epigram 3 (My booke, some handes in Oxford wil thee ...)
  125. Epigram 4 (Ye famous sister Vniuersities,)
  126. Epigram 5 (Why striue ye sisters for antiquitie?)
  127. Epigram 6 (Setting mine howre glasse for a witnesse by)
  128. Epigram 7 (Ovr fathers did but vse the world before.)
  129. Epigram 8 (Whitegift, whom gratious honour entertaines.)
  130. Epigram 9 (Is it a worthy thing to digge vp ...)
  131. Epigram 10 (Like Mutius Cranmer thou diddest burne thine hand)
  132. Epigram 11 (Pvblius hath two brothers fowle and cleane.)
  133. Epigram 12 (Laetus doth pittie Bitus for his wantes,)
  134. Epigram 13 (Indie newe found the Christian faith doth holde,)
  135. Epigram 14 (Rvfus hath spent his gummes and vnderlippe,)
  136. Epigram 15 (When Pan forsooke the mountaines & the rocks,)
  137. Epigram 16 (When in thy flowring age thou did'st beginne,)
  138. Epigram 17 (The Sonn which shines amid the heauē so ...)
  139. Epigram 18 (Being in armes, how did'st thou furiously,)
  140. Epigram 19 (Essex bring to Elisa youth and life.)
  141. Epigram 20 (Sheepe haue eate vp our medows & our ...)
  142. Epigram 21 (Mountioy, thy vetue and thy secret woorth,)
  143. Epigram 22 (Reader, I grant I doe not keepe the ...)
  144. Epigram 23 (What were the children Nabucadnessar,)
  145. Epigram 24 (Of fighting Cannius here lye the bones,)
  146. Epigram 25 (Ovr Water Drake long seas, strange ieopardies,)
  147. Epigram 26 (Indie which so long fearde, now hath our ...)
  148. Epigram 27 (To seeke thee in thy Tombe sweete Iesu ...)
  149. Epigram 28 (Here lyes Dicke Pinner. O vngentle death,)
  150. Epigram 29 (Reader but halfe my labour is expirde,)
  151. Epigram 30 (Melus was taught to speake, to read, to ...)
  152. Epigram 31 (Sir Francis and sir Philip, haue no Toombe,)
  153. Epigram 32 (When I beholde with deepe astonishment,)
  154. Epigram 33 (The first and riper world of men and ...)
  155. Epigram 34 (Doe I call iudgement to my foolish rimes,)
  156. Epigram 35 (I Sawe a naked corpse spread on the ...)
  157. Epigram 36 (Chito and Trogus sinn th'extremitie,)
  158. Epigram 37 (T'Honour and blisse Deurox thou didst aspyre,)
  159. Epigram 38 (Had I my wish contented I should be,)
  160. Epigram 39 (Wotton my little Beere dwels on a hill,)
  161. Epigram 40 (My merry exercises of conceipt,)
  162. Epigram 1 (Mountioy if I haue praised worthy men,)
  163. Epigram 2 (An heauie book reader my weary pen,)
  164. Epigram 3 (Though choise of faultes, and purest vice selected)
  165. Epigram 4 (Gaeta from wooll and weauing first beganne,)
  166. Epigram 5 (Seuerus hath no touch of eloquence.)
  167. Epigram 6 (When my friend Candidus was in distresse,)
  168. Epigram 7 (Thymus doth speake how all the fathers olde,)
  169. Epigram 8 (Cacus though nothing but a loafe perdy,)
  170. Epigram 9 (Richard gaue money vnto Christopher,)
  171. Epigram 10 (Reader be iudge betweene Mirus and me,)
  172. Epigram 11 (Seuerus notes how euery verse begins,)
  173. Epigram 12 (Bardus eates crusts and shrids of Barly bread,)
  174. Epigram 13 (A Knot of mariage legitimate,)
  175. Epigram 14 (Thymus hath sinnde the sinne of symony.)
  176. Epigram 15 (Castor at euery fashions new disguise,)
  177. Epigram 16 (Brillus is neither proud nor timerous,)
  178. Epigram 17 (Sextus and Quintus, Caius, and the rest,)
  179. Epigram 18 (A Wonderfull scarsety will shortly ensue,)
  180. Epigram 19 (Philo if naked loue you aske of me.)
  181. Epigram 20 (Misus and Mopsa hardly could agree,)
  182. Epigram 21 (You which haue sorrows hiddē bottom sounded,)
  183. Epigram 22 (Phisition Lanio neuer will forsake,)
  184. Epigram 23 (Dacus hath all things that he can desire,)
  185. Epigram 24 (Ovr peruerse age doth recon least of all,)
  186. Epigram 25 (Timon is sicke of seuen which deadly be.)
  187. Epigram 26 (Septimius doth excell for daintie cheere,)
  188. Epigram 27 (Cophus doth liue as if he could bestowe,)
  189. Epigram 28 (Neighbours, I meruaile much to see your strife,)
  190. Epigram 29 (A Dry beame feedes the mind, as Pyndar ...)
  191. Epigram 30 (The gooldsmith guildeth siluer, tinn or brasse,)
  192. Epigram 31 (Lotus owes little vnto memory,)
  193. Epigram 32 (Hearing my short writs, Momus saith of me,)
  194. Epigram 33 (Vlysses hauing scapt the ocean floood.)
  195. Epigram 35 (With charge of soules as Polititians say,)
  196. Epigram 36 (Tell Festus that this mirth and iollitie,)
  197. Epigram 37 (Chlorus was greene, when in his tendernesse,)
  198. Epigram 38 (No enemie of Scillas can accuse him,)
  199. Epigram 39 (Merus doth reconcile Philosophie,)
  200. Epigram 40 (Castor doth grauely shake his holow beard,)
  201. Epigram 40 (Some vnderstand my meaning as it is:)
  202. Epigram 1 (Some mirth doth please, to some it is ...)
  203. Epigram 2 (Carus abuseth me and saith I fill,)
  204. Epigram 3 (No Helicone Mountioy, no Castale well,)
  205. Epigram 4 (Horsee, my slender muse not learn'd to flye,)
  206. Epigram 5 (Philo, you loue a while vnfainedly.)
  207. Epigram 6 (Egerton, all the artes, whom thou dost cherish,)
  208. Epigram 7 (Gods name is bare of honour in our ...)
  209. Epigram 8 (When the great forests dwelling was so wide,)
  210. Epigram 9 (They say the vsurer Misus hath a mill,)
  211. Epigram 10 (If workes doe saue, happy king Philip is,)
  212. Epigram 11 (Among abuses which you speake vnto,)
  213. Epigram 12 (The wicked wound vs, yet aske why we ...)
  214. Epigram 13 (There is no fish in brookes little or ...)
  215. Epigram 14 (Fishing, if I a fisher may protest,)
  216. Epigram 15 (Content feedes not, one glory, or one pelfe,)
  217. Epigram 16 (Daniell, beside the subiect of thy verse,)
  218. Epigram 17 (Sextus vpon a spleen, did, rashly sweare,)
  219. Epigram 18 (Scilla were I in loue with brauerie,)
  220. Epigram 19 (Lalus was noted for vaine talke and prating.)
  221. Epigram 20 (Mine hoast Porsenna, when I am with you.)
  222. Epigram 21 (Cinna tolde a long tale to no effect,)
  223. Epigram 22 (Who is my friend Williams dost thou enquire?)
  224. Epigram 23 (First Clerus by fayre flattrye Princes sought,)
  225. Epigram 24 (Olde Abbeyes who that liues doth not despise,)
  226. Epigram 25 (The Spaniardes are a warlike nation,)
  227. Epigram 26 (The Pope; when tender health her infant sense,)
  228. Epigram 27 (Loue, the sweete band of thy desired reigne,)
  229. Epigram 28 (Reader thou think'st that Epigrams be rife,)
  230. Epigram 29 (And was not death a sturdie strugler,)
  231. Epigram 30 (Vpon the plaine as I rode all alone,)
  232. Epigram 31 (Dadus payde deare for learning, but the time)
  233. Epigram 32 (Here lyes Iohn Coferer and takes his rest.)
  234. Epigram 33 (A Pilgrim beggar on a day,)
  235. Epigram 34 (Titus is fast and hath no starting waies,)
  236. Epigram 35 (Antiquitie, of learning holding deare)
  237. Epigram 36 (In quiet sleepe a iudgement seat I sawe,)
  238. Epigram 37 (If I dreame Epigrams, I doe as they.)
  239. Epigram 38 (Morton how foolish was this silly trowte,)
  240. Epigram 39 (Who taught me pleasant follies, can you tell?)
  241. Epigram 40 (Barneus verse, (vnlesse I doe him wrong,))
  242. Epigram 41 (Oeuus now olde and spent, and hard bestead.)
  243. Epigram 42 (Arnold, the fathers Oracles profound,)
  244. Epigram 43 (Seuerus would not haue me slacke my veyne,)
  245. Epigram 1 (If thou thinke, Reader, that desire of gayne,)
  246. Epigram 2 (Matho bethought what life him best might fitt,)
  247. Epigram 3 (Cophus is a fine dancer and a trimme.)
  248. Epigram 4 (Sextus is thrall to goold, as many be,)
  249. Epigram 5 (I See good Fortune runne before,)
  250. Epigram 6 (Goold, wealth, and gleab, how many friends will ...)
  251. Epigram 8 (When Carus dy'de these were the last he ...)
  252. Epigram 9 (Age is deformed, youth vnkinde,)
  253. Epigram 10 (Thou with the last sweete doctor nam'de by ...)
  254. Epigram 11 (The worlds great Peers & mighty conquerours)
  255. Epigram 12 (Morus presented to a fat benifice.)
  256. Epigram 14 (Eliza, thou hast spread a goolden peace,)
  257. Epigram 15 (First Misus coueted a peece of goold,)
  258. Epigram 16 (How hath a little chance great fortune crest?)
  259. Epigram 17 (Rome hath a batrayne vine, yet doth not ...)
  260. Epigram 18 (Caius hath brought from forraine landes,)
  261. Epigram 19 (Faustina hath a spott vpon her face,)
  262. Epigram 20 (As with fresh meates mixture of salt is ...)
  263. Epigram 22 (If a poore minister haue done amisse,)
  264. Epigram 23 (Strangwaeies leaue London & her sweet contents,)
  265. Epigram 24 (Matho with angry countenance threatned me.)
  266. Epigram 25 (Stand, want, and waite, doe what you can.)
  267. Epigram 26 (Philo in friendly sort saluteth me,)
  268. Epigram 27 (Th'arke-Angell Michaell looketh wan & blewe,)
  269. Epigram 28 (The infant lying in the mothers wombe,)
  270. Epigram 29 (Ovr vice, our outrage and malitiousnesse,)
  271. Epigram 30 (He which an elder seeking to defame,)
  272. Epigram 31 (Clerkes to their liuings wedded once did thriue,)
  273. Epigram 32 (How deerly doth the simple husband buy,)
  274. Epigram 33 (Martiall in Rome full thirtie yeares had spent,)
  275. Epigram 34 (Letus in vertuous manners may excell,)
  276. Epigram 35 (Who would liue in others breath?)
  277. Epigram 36 (Me thinkes tis pretie sport to heare a ...)
  278. Epigram 37 (Svch was my griefe vpon my fatall fall,)
  279. Epigram 38 (Ye Cookes and Pothecaries be my friend,)
  280. Epigram 39 (If in these naked lines perhaps be ought,)
  281. Epigram 7 (If my bookes easie of digestion be,)
  282. Epigram 41 (Biting Sabellus hereat takes offence,)
  283. Epigram 42 (Ovr vice is runne beyond all olde mens ...)
  284. Epigram 43 (Whē books & poore men, they their parish ...)
  285. Epigram 44 (Brillus tolde such a tale as neuer man)
  286. Epigram 45 (Laetus did in his mistresse quarrell, die,)
  287. Epigram 46 (Bitus desired Porus of his grace,)
  288. Epigram 47 (Nature which head long into life doth thring ...)

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